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why. i feel so overloaded.

i'm highly irritated that i'm not getting my results. its the 4th week le. and theres only 4 more weeks left. and i am not happy with my progress. and i am still having problem with my initial stages of the project. i cant get my yeast (or E.coli for that matter) correctly transformed. and i dunno why i am getting contamination everywhere.maybe i should consider the use of a lab coat.. and everyone seems so busy. i feel like i'm a burden to my mentor and like my failure to transform properly and keep having to redo each stage of the transformation is making him rather disappointed. well at least it is making me very disappointed. and theres only 4 more weeks. i sincerely hope that by the end of the 8 weeks i can happily present a project that i did and not rely on my mentor and present his findings. i am bloody worried. i wish i can spend all my time in the lab 9 to 9 so that i can right all my wrongs and finish up the project. BUT i need to come back to mug...

i wish i din have so many things to do in the hols..i feel that i hadnt spent enough time mugging for my h3 and havent spent enough time mugging for my SATs which is in some dire straits... my english is so lousy that my math cant help pull my score up enough.and there are other commitments too, and i really wanna go back to school to speak to teachers so that i can get details of CIP stuffs sorted out but EVERYONE is busy and out of town and basically CIP projects that start in the hols probably cant get any substantial grounds to start properly. ugh wth am i talking abt. the proposal just cant get approved la... the teacher mentor is almost always not around. and wen she is around, nobody is free to see her. i bloody hate dragging CIP proposals. we break records dragging proposals for 1 month. i hope the class cip proposal thingy wun drag so long. its already been dragging...[and postponing things dun mean we can slack wth. its so that we have enough time to figure out stuff and not like SLACK AWAY and wait for time to pass..14dec is not tt far ugh] and 3rd dec is coming. ie ruth is coming back. and music is supposed to have been mixed. and most of the choreo done. oh my shit. i can just about explode now.

爱失控

时间
一分一秒被偷走
所谓的永久
被曾经取代后
变成恶魔
手里握着多余的温柔
独自反复思索
收藏保留
随风飞走
说来轻松

自由
是否会比较好过
原来没有
成全的背后
总有痛苦在招手
记忆停留在最初时候
星光已不再闪烁
无话可说
继续走
还是朋友

让你走
我的爱失控
藏在幸福快乐的背后
是我
逃避退缩
放开手
对爱不再有奢求
是非对错不想再多说
眼神交会时候
出卖承诺
泪在留

想通
躲在黑暗的出口
难以捉摸
是缘份的作用导致失控
还是孤独一时的冲动
抹去爱情轮廓
故事内容
谁补充
安静的尘封

世界的旋律因你而转动
就算再失控
落空
音符交织感动
就够

让你走
我不再是我
感受不到心跳的触碰
占有
转眼成空
放开手
对爱不再有奢求
徘徊梦中模糊脸孔
遗留在角落
不再轻易
地经过

wahh..this mv is damn emo..then they were in mud or something.like utter despair.. suits the song. though i still like the korean version better

se7olution

think i'm gonna be a new se7en fan =D was so happy last week that we danced to se7en's song at studiowu's fusion hiphop class lol..

i feel like i woke up damn early today.. actually i prolly slept for some 12 hours...yes..this pig slept right after dinner at 7 and woke at 8 lol..

catching up on lost sleep over the past week indeed..next week is some dieded week. and i AM freaking out.. thinking of taking leave so i can mug at home. like i'm nowhere near ready for exam..aiyaiyaiyai

today had our first dance prac for blyc.. i found out i can choreo! coolio haha i did 4 eights yay. even though 1 of the eights was quite cheater.. maybe i'll continue wif the song for another 4 eights then i should stop. otherwise everything will become too jazzy/smooth. like clarice say..my steps is the groovy type..oh well i quite like the 4 eights i did.. =D sadly farhanis and junting never come..oh wells.. see what i can come up with before next prac..yay for renewed confidence

不管世界

说我们俩在一起有多坎坷
*

been planning so far ahead recently. i'll be planning for next monday's experiments to run and my study schedule for SATs and my dreaded H3 exam. and concert and class cip. suddenly wondered. wat if after all these planning, i dun live to finish them... wun that be quite sad and disappointing.. so that the -wherever- can write that "it was such a pity she died young, she had a bright future ahead of her". xian. anyway i dun intend to end my life. just randomly wondering. accidents are never planned...

oh wells. i think this saturday quite die. i havent choreod anything for u all to learn >< cos i been feeling very afraid for SATs and mugging without feeling any better. and my inspiration for steps were whitewashed after attending girls hiphop class that..totally freaked me out. i think i'll continue being cor lor and do hard hiphop...and i have a super strong urge to go back to the labs on saturday. aiyaiyai...

想见你，

没有你，城市再炫也没意义，热闹的全都是你的幻影
想见你，心太急，狂奔拥挤的人群里。多希望下一秒就见到你
(= 无印良品 rocks

why is it that all teens find that their parents are not supportive in what they are doing, not "loving/accepting them for who they are" and feel that their parents have this set of ideals by which they want their child to turn out to be and seek ways and means to make the child fit this set of ideals. ideals like...getting straight As, coming back from school obediently, going for academic attachments and competitions, no staying out beyond 8pm, no arcade, no lan, dun buy music albums of idols, dun buy computer games, dun spend pocket money on things other than lunch... OMG

heh i told myself at the beginning of this year (or rather at the end of last year) that i will be obedient this year and not make my parents upset by not doing things that will make them worried. but wth. parents get harder and harder to please.. especially when u start having an idea of how you wan ur life to be and its going against ur parents ideals

so i save to pursue what i want and my mum says i have too much money. my mum says the same thing when my bro saves so he can get NBA live and FIFA in alternating years. and lucky him has an older bro to save with him. they share cost. how wonderful economies of scale can be. 为什么突然觉得好像孤军作战？but things are different, my dad is also interested in such gaming and says "if you ask i would have given you the money to buy that" and i enroll in a dance class and they make a huge hoo ha out of it like wth. i've done it before, they made noise before, why cant they bloody accept it? noise made once is enough.

and they keep asking me to study. 要考钢琴的时候又不见他们这么关心，还跑去外国，考试都不知道。怎么突然这么紧张？又不是他们在考。they think my holidays only have 3 things to worry about: attachment, SATs and H3. i dream my life so simple. i wont want a life that so mundane pls. i'll rather make myself damn busy and highly active than just worry about those 3 things during my holidays. just so happens that everything is coming at the wrong time and everything is packed into this one week. I'm sure i mug H3 and SATs and choreo and come up wif various various proposals. but i cant complain. i asked for it. so i handle it. damn. i need to slp now.

do people ever get tired of STUDYING..i mean i probably wun get tired of learning but studying? dammit.

偶尔胆怯你能了解

站在十字路的交点 该怎么走 我却只剩回头

*
Yes everyone will be leaving..or has left. for some place or another. like the whole school is going overseas CIP or overseas sth. my fanily is going spain portugal (europe again! without me!) my dad gonna spend christmas at taiwan. vanessa is overseas, ms low is gone and gone, ruth has left for cambodia, odac has left for aust. lol. maybe i should take this as a time to 闭门思过 (is there such a phrase?) and like sit down and wonder what are the things that need my attention and need me to do, and to mug for SATs. mann..i know the SATs are damn near. and i'm like how prepared for it.. i'm getting 79% which is HORRIblE. like.. throw me out the window =S

and just last week i was thinking about how to play this hols. how to spend my hols so that i feel that i've done all things interesting and i've spent my hols living. i think, i'll still be living. albeit in a different way. enjoyment in the lab is quite different from going out to play, skating, camping, cycling, watching the sky the trees the waters and the birds, watching movie, dancing, singing, shopping...and i told myself i'll play when SATs are over. but i realised i cant, cos thats when i drill for eoy perf. (and also if i only go dance then, i would be missing out on the christmas deals at studio wu lol) ugh SATs are sticky things. i should just mug and get it over and done with. but now. i'm telling myself, 3 things, mug, street and lab. ok so i should focus and concentrate now. (I cant believe i'm actually looking up the syllabus of advanced placement tests -_-) ugh yes focus.

ahhhh need to sort things out.. all the CIP projects' details and i need to plan a timetable..so that i can do enough practices and go for SATs feeling prepared =X oh my tian

....and gerald just told me "dun stress" today =X

你能体谅我有雨天

pw is finally over. a little late to report on this though. with my anxiety for it to finish, i'm quite surprised i only blogged about it today. i think our ORAL presentation was ok considering we only dry runned once and quickly went through that morning. but we din doll it up with anything else so dunno if the grp coordination part will suffer. but our project..also cannot really do anything. anyway dun think le. if i suddenly get inspiration i shall be quite sad. haha lincoln and yilin suddenly had inspiration that we could have done on food instead, then can give the assessors food to eat. anyway its over. so, good.

4 days of attachment at lifesc labs. quite interesting to see wat goes on in research labs. and lab sessions are not rare things that bring occasional fun now, u wan to walk into lab, its just next door. lol but quite weird. today i was preparing the agarose gel, then getting 90ml of TAE buffer, then got measuring cylinder no dropper. haha like i walk around the whole lab cannot find any dropper! like amazing..only have micropipettes no dropper. i'm sure i use micropipettes to add dropwise to the bottom meniscus. LOL i managed to find one in a bottle of sterile water, after using it, i was wondering how to wash..with sterile water? then the water not sterile anymore sia.. =S

today rained like bomb. it literally poured. and i just went to sc library to borrow some damn heavy big book, then it poured. i was like shoot how to get back to the labs. then managed to stay in shelter until i got to the bus stop opposite the labs. the bldg is on a hill like thingy, and its opposite the bus stop and it was pouring. so hugging the 2 big books i ran up..(ye wen i go for lunch in the afternoon i dun bring umbrella..X[) lousy lousy. wen i got up i looked like i just came back from a bath.. lol

eeeeeeeeeeeee

no i din see some bug..i dun react like tt to bugs
i'm irritated by e weather n my nose.. the humidity is probably some 200% now. i'm amused its not raining yet. even my airplant is taking longer than normal to dry..but the tips are still burnt black. i've cut like almost half of the leaf away alredy.. airplant pros! tell me wat to do! i wan it to flower at least once before it dies =( if i'm not wrong, my plant is e ionata. cant confirm which species cos they all look quite similar to me.my other plant is growing alright i think. it looks more alright than my ionata. my ionata is growing on the odac rock now. maybe wen it flowers i'll bring it to show hammie =p hmm maybe it needs some fertiliser...
i've finally finished my signup for SAT..now i need to go n find books. oh my tian..if i dun get full marks or near..i'm dead

EAI music called me today and asked if i would like to audition for their production next year. concert or something. i went to audition last year end when i was bored and had nothing to do. then they told me to sign up for a really ex package that my parents will never ever agree to. dunno wat they will show me this time...aiyai..how to prac anyway. got street concert and got attachment. wat can they do wif me unless they only see me on saturday...zhen shi xin you yu er li bu zu..

my nose stucks

i think its the drastic change of temperature. The afternoons are freaking hot and the nights are freaking cold. and my bloody nose (yes its quite bloody now) cant stop getting blocked. and just yesterday i managed to clear it after singing for some 4, 5 hours. (oh i hope i din cause much damage to the ears of those within 20 metres up down left right..) and my throat gets horribly painflu when i sniff so hard =( so imagine the kind of noise my poor neighbours have to deal with. be thankful you are not my neighbour. and now it is horribly painful again. i have finished my 3rd bottle of family sized pi2 pa2 gao1 in the last 4 months. I think thats a world record and now i have no more for tomorrow cos my mum only goes to buy groceries on saturday. (yes i'm very loser and wun buy my needs myself) ugh.. with a stucked nose i doubt i'll be able to taste lincoln's delicious dinner tomorrow hahahaha.. it better go away. otherwise 白费 lincoln de 工夫 =p