I really don't want to be here.

I really shouldn't have been so last minute also.

Why wouldnt the embassies be nice to me.

If I go overseas to study again, I'll make sure I'm somewhere where its sunny and warm and rarely cold. So sick of cold weather. Cold countries should be for tourism only.

greener grass

Seems like a lot of my friends in singapore left singapore this summer

everyone wants to study overseas

everyone wants to go on exchange programmes

it seems imperative that excellent students must have had overseas study experiences

for a more slack curriculum?

for a chance to travel and holiday?

for a better education?

networking?

at the end of the day (even though it is not the end yet) what have I really carried away from my overseas study experience?

i learnt how irritating electricity companies are

i learnt how cold weather can be really depressing

i learnt that nowhere else is water as dependable as in sg

i learnt to cook

i learnt that it is difficult to look after yourself, taking care of food, work and the house

do i really think i'm getting a better education here?

have i travelled enough?

if studying overseas is better then why do I find my flatmates and I dragging ourselves over from homeland? we always cant wait to go home and put off coming back to as late as possible

i'm just feeling so tired, i don't wanna get out of the house, i'm not going to the supermarket and get food, replace things that are running out in the house, my brain knows i need to go think about my project area but my body just doesn't want to work on it at all. and it's aching from oversleeping. my energy left me in may

landing on a Sunday

There are nice things about landing on a Sunday

when you're the first in the city

almost no one else is awake

those who are greet you warmly in the cool breeze

no rush in getting luggage up steps at Leicester square stn

and you get to sleep another 2 hours

before the city starts to buzz and you can start getting things done

And then there are also the not so nice things

Sunday is work late end work early day

shops open for 4-6 hours

so if your lethargy gets you out of the house at 4pm

you're probably not going to get anything done

therefore just stay in and chill

and tomorrow things will begin again

晚上的空虚用音乐来填

today's message says...

that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are

If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.

心中是清楚的
有一天有一天都会停的
让时间说真话
虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后
我们都不知道会不会有以后

亲爱的为什么
也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人
等对方先说找分开的理由

我好想好想飞 逃离这个疯狂世界 那么多苦那么多累 那么多莫名的泪水

恐怕飞也飞不出这疯狂世界

厌食

以前我爱吃到可以吃自助餐吃到吐也过瘾

现在总是饭没吃完，然后又容易饿，怎么好吃都不合胃口

病好以来都没有好好地吃

有时候都不懂肚子是饿，不舒服，还是要吐

还是肚子忘记怎样消化食物

这是种病状吗？

today's message says...

Love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. Loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. You either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.

I can live without

I spent an enjoyable afternoon with the choir girls chatting, wondering about how our gynae in the future might be some guy we knew in high school.. that even the old lady at the counter couldn't help but smile at us

I watched an amazing movie with my brother, pretending to be 16 year old while my brother wished he was 18 so he could watch the expendables. discovered strange $4 fries that's so filling it could be dinner

Tasted coffee from brazil and from ethiopia and for once realised that coffee have varying degrees of sourness (as well as bitterness) I seemed to always have been preoccupied with the bitterness

Met a lot of people, realised strange ways that people you know in different parts of your life come to know each other (really I think there is just one degree of separation when it comes to your peers), had awesome salmon escarole tagliatelle at oriole cafe, if only I had tummy space for sticky pudding...

such a chore

if only all i have to do to lose citizenship is to join the army

i can so imagine the lady i was speaking to rolling her eyes and getting pissed off that i had not planned this properly. i mean there are so many million things in my life that need planning who was to have thought that this required planning too!

maybe people who work in these offices are taught to tell people how the system will not work for them and not how the system could be made to work

everybody is upset

one is having a stomach upset, finding everything inadequate, moaning about aches and work

one is trying to stay calm while trying to do a million things at a time despite being very tired

one is away

one is sleeping and too tired to help himself

and I am watching and trying to help but providing no help

seems like it is wired into our heads that the first thing we all want to do is to tell others what to do without first understanding why others don't want to do it that way

my mum has mastered the skill of driving despite having her eyes clouded by tears or brain tired from managing

all seem to be in precarious positions, but I don't know what to do to pull them back

of everyone I seem the most relaxed, a number of things to do that I haven't quite gotten down to doing because there seems to be still time.. plans that I think will likely be drastically changed when the times comes. passing time doing everything non-constructive.

when we all try to manage, we opt for just the liveable, happiness is out of the picture.

how did we get here? maybe that question is no longer relevant.