><

why. i feel so overloaded.

i'm highly irritated that i'm not getting my results. its the 4th week le. and theres only 4 more weeks left. and i am not happy with my progress. and i am still having problem with my initial stages of the project. i cant get my yeast (or E.coli for that matter) correctly transformed. and i dunno why i am getting contamination everywhere.maybe i should consider the use of a lab coat.. and everyone seems so busy. i feel like i'm a burden to my mentor and like my failure to transform properly and keep having to redo each stage of the transformation is making him rather disappointed. well at least it is making me very disappointed. and theres only 4 more weeks. i sincerely hope that by the end of the 8 weeks i can happily present a project that i did and not rely on my mentor and present his findings. i am bloody worried. i wish i can spend all my time in the lab 9 to 9 so that i can right all my wrongs and finish up the project. BUT i need to come back to mug...

i wish i din have so many things to do in the hols..i feel that i hadnt spent enough time mugging for my h3 and havent spent enough time mugging for my SATs which is in some dire straits... my english is so lousy that my math cant help pull my score up enough.and there are other commitments too, and i really wanna go back to school to speak to teachers so that i can get details of CIP stuffs sorted out but EVERYONE is busy and out of town and basically CIP projects that start in the hols probably cant get any substantial grounds to start properly. ugh wth am i talking abt. the proposal just cant get approved la... the teacher mentor is almost always not around. and wen she is around, nobody is free to see her. i bloody hate dragging CIP proposals. we break records dragging proposals for 1 month. i hope the class cip proposal thingy wun drag so long. its already been dragging...[and postponing things dun mean we can slack wth. its so that we have enough time to figure out stuff and not like SLACK AWAY and wait for time to pass..14dec is not tt far ugh] and 3rd dec is coming. ie ruth is coming back. and music is supposed to have been mixed. and most of the choreo done. oh my shit. i can just about explode now.

爱失控

时间
一分一秒被偷走
所谓的永久
被曾经取代后
变成恶魔
手里握着多余的温柔
独自反复思索
收藏保留
随风飞走
说来轻松

自由
是否会比较好过
原来没有
成全的背后
总有痛苦在招手
记忆停留在最初时候
星光已不再闪烁
无话可说
继续走
还是朋友

让你走
我的爱失控
藏在幸福快乐的背后
是我
逃避退缩
放开手
对爱不再有奢求
是非对错不想再多说
眼神交会时候
出卖承诺
泪在留

想通
躲在黑暗的出口
难以捉摸
是缘份的作用导致失控
还是孤独一时的冲动
抹去爱情轮廓
故事内容
谁补充
安静的尘封

世界的旋律因你而转动
就算再失控
落空
音符交织感动
就够

让你走
我不再是我
感受不到心跳的触碰
占有
转眼成空
放开手
对爱不再有奢求
徘徊梦中模糊脸孔
遗留在角落
不再轻易
地经过

wahh..this mv is damn emo..then they were in mud or something.like utter despair.. suits the song. though i still like the korean version better

se7olution

think i'm gonna be a new se7en fan =D was so happy last week that we danced to se7en's song at studiowu's fusion hiphop class lol..

i feel like i woke up damn early today.. actually i prolly slept for some 12 hours...yes..this pig slept right after dinner at 7 and woke at 8 lol..

catching up on lost sleep over the past week indeed..next week is some dieded week. and i AM freaking out.. thinking of taking leave so i can mug at home. like i'm nowhere near ready for exam..aiyaiyaiyai

today had our first dance prac for blyc.. i found out i can choreo! coolio haha i did 4 eights yay. even though 1 of the eights was quite cheater.. maybe i'll continue wif the song for another 4 eights then i should stop. otherwise everything will become too jazzy/smooth. like clarice say..my steps is the groovy type..oh well i quite like the 4 eights i did.. =D sadly farhanis and junting never come..oh wells.. see what i can come up with before next prac..yay for renewed confidence

不管世界

说我们俩在一起有多坎坷
*

been planning so far ahead recently. i'll be planning for next monday's experiments to run and my study schedule for SATs and my dreaded H3 exam. and concert and class cip. suddenly wondered. wat if after all these planning, i dun live to finish them... wun that be quite sad and disappointing.. so that the -wherever- can write that "it was such a pity she died young, she had a bright future ahead of her". xian. anyway i dun intend to end my life. just randomly wondering. accidents are never planned...

oh wells. i think this saturday quite die. i havent choreod anything for u all to learn >< cos i been feeling very afraid for SATs and mugging without feeling any better. and my inspiration for steps were whitewashed after attending girls hiphop class that..totally freaked me out. i think i'll continue being cor lor and do hard hiphop...and i have a super strong urge to go back to the labs on saturday. aiyaiyai...

想见你，

没有你，城市再炫也没意义，热闹的全都是你的幻影
想见你，心太急，狂奔拥挤的人群里。多希望下一秒就见到你
(= 无印良品 rocks

why is it that all teens find that their parents are not supportive in what they are doing, not "loving/accepting them for who they are" and feel that their parents have this set of ideals by which they want their child to turn out to be and seek ways and means to make the child fit this set of ideals. ideals like...getting straight As, coming back from school obediently, going for academic attachments and competitions, no staying out beyond 8pm, no arcade, no lan, dun buy music albums of idols, dun buy computer games, dun spend pocket money on things other than lunch... OMG

heh i told myself at the beginning of this year (or rather at the end of last year) that i will be obedient this year and not make my parents upset by not doing things that will make them worried. but wth. parents get harder and harder to please.. especially when u start having an idea of how you wan ur life to be and its going against ur parents ideals

so i save to pursue what i want and my mum says i have too much money. my mum says the same thing when my bro saves so he can get NBA live and FIFA in alternating years. and lucky him has an older bro to save with him. they share cost. how wonderful economies of scale can be. 为什么突然觉得好像孤军作战？but things are different, my dad is also interested in such gaming and says "if you ask i would have given you the money to buy that" and i enroll in a dance class and they make a huge hoo ha out of it like wth. i've done it before, they made noise before, why cant they bloody accept it? noise made once is enough.

and they keep asking me to study. 要考钢琴的时候又不见他们这么关心，还跑去外国，考试都不知道。怎么突然这么紧张？又不是他们在考。they think my holidays only have 3 things to worry about: attachment, SATs and H3. i dream my life so simple. i wont want a life that so mundane pls. i'll rather make myself damn busy and highly active than just worry about those 3 things during my holidays. just so happens that everything is coming at the wrong time and everything is packed into this one week. I'm sure i mug H3 and SATs and choreo and come up wif various various proposals. but i cant complain. i asked for it. so i handle it. damn. i need to slp now.

do people ever get tired of STUDYING..i mean i probably wun get tired of learning but studying? dammit.

偶尔胆怯你能了解

站在十字路的交点 该怎么走 我却只剩回头

*
Yes everyone will be leaving..or has left. for some place or another. like the whole school is going overseas CIP or overseas sth. my fanily is going spain portugal (europe again! without me!) my dad gonna spend christmas at taiwan. vanessa is overseas, ms low is gone and gone, ruth has left for cambodia, odac has left for aust. lol. maybe i should take this as a time to 闭门思过 (is there such a phrase?) and like sit down and wonder what are the things that need my attention and need me to do, and to mug for SATs. mann..i know the SATs are damn near. and i'm like how prepared for it.. i'm getting 79% which is HORRIblE. like.. throw me out the window =S

and just last week i was thinking about how to play this hols. how to spend my hols so that i feel that i've done all things interesting and i've spent my hols living. i think, i'll still be living. albeit in a different way. enjoyment in the lab is quite different from going out to play, skating, camping, cycling, watching the sky the trees the waters and the birds, watching movie, dancing, singing, shopping...and i told myself i'll play when SATs are over. but i realised i cant, cos thats when i drill for eoy perf. (and also if i only go dance then, i would be missing out on the christmas deals at studio wu lol) ugh SATs are sticky things. i should just mug and get it over and done with. but now. i'm telling myself, 3 things, mug, street and lab. ok so i should focus and concentrate now. (I cant believe i'm actually looking up the syllabus of advanced placement tests -_-) ugh yes focus.

ahhhh need to sort things out.. all the CIP projects' details and i need to plan a timetable..so that i can do enough practices and go for SATs feeling prepared =X oh my tian

....and gerald just told me "dun stress" today =X

你能体谅我有雨天

pw is finally over. a little late to report on this though. with my anxiety for it to finish, i'm quite surprised i only blogged about it today. i think our ORAL presentation was ok considering we only dry runned once and quickly went through that morning. but we din doll it up with anything else so dunno if the grp coordination part will suffer. but our project..also cannot really do anything. anyway dun think le. if i suddenly get inspiration i shall be quite sad. haha lincoln and yilin suddenly had inspiration that we could have done on food instead, then can give the assessors food to eat. anyway its over. so, good.

4 days of attachment at lifesc labs. quite interesting to see wat goes on in research labs. and lab sessions are not rare things that bring occasional fun now, u wan to walk into lab, its just next door. lol but quite weird. today i was preparing the agarose gel, then getting 90ml of TAE buffer, then got measuring cylinder no dropper. haha like i walk around the whole lab cannot find any dropper! like amazing..only have micropipettes no dropper. i'm sure i use micropipettes to add dropwise to the bottom meniscus. LOL i managed to find one in a bottle of sterile water, after using it, i was wondering how to wash..with sterile water? then the water not sterile anymore sia.. =S

today rained like bomb. it literally poured. and i just went to sc library to borrow some damn heavy big book, then it poured. i was like shoot how to get back to the labs. then managed to stay in shelter until i got to the bus stop opposite the labs. the bldg is on a hill like thingy, and its opposite the bus stop and it was pouring. so hugging the 2 big books i ran up..(ye wen i go for lunch in the afternoon i dun bring umbrella..X[) lousy lousy. wen i got up i looked like i just came back from a bath.. lol

eeeeeeeeeeeee

no i din see some bug..i dun react like tt to bugs
i'm irritated by e weather n my nose.. the humidity is probably some 200% now. i'm amused its not raining yet. even my airplant is taking longer than normal to dry..but the tips are still burnt black. i've cut like almost half of the leaf away alredy.. airplant pros! tell me wat to do! i wan it to flower at least once before it dies =( if i'm not wrong, my plant is e ionata. cant confirm which species cos they all look quite similar to me.my other plant is growing alright i think. it looks more alright than my ionata. my ionata is growing on the odac rock now. maybe wen it flowers i'll bring it to show hammie =p hmm maybe it needs some fertiliser...
i've finally finished my signup for SAT..now i need to go n find books. oh my tian..if i dun get full marks or near..i'm dead

EAI music called me today and asked if i would like to audition for their production next year. concert or something. i went to audition last year end when i was bored and had nothing to do. then they told me to sign up for a really ex package that my parents will never ever agree to. dunno wat they will show me this time...aiyai..how to prac anyway. got street concert and got attachment. wat can they do wif me unless they only see me on saturday...zhen shi xin you yu er li bu zu..

my nose stucks

i think its the drastic change of temperature. The afternoons are freaking hot and the nights are freaking cold. and my bloody nose (yes its quite bloody now) cant stop getting blocked. and just yesterday i managed to clear it after singing for some 4, 5 hours. (oh i hope i din cause much damage to the ears of those within 20 metres up down left right..) and my throat gets horribly painflu when i sniff so hard =( so imagine the kind of noise my poor neighbours have to deal with. be thankful you are not my neighbour. and now it is horribly painful again. i have finished my 3rd bottle of family sized pi2 pa2 gao1 in the last 4 months. I think thats a world record and now i have no more for tomorrow cos my mum only goes to buy groceries on saturday. (yes i'm very loser and wun buy my needs myself) ugh.. with a stucked nose i doubt i'll be able to taste lincoln's delicious dinner tomorrow hahahaha.. it better go away. otherwise 白费 lincoln de 工夫 =p

5 days left

today i am happy. cos i din wake up to hear my brother on the comp playing fifa. cos i din leave the house hearing my brother's super noisy dota. and for the first time i see both of them mugging. (hah. finally.. after 2 school designated mugging days they are spending the last one in a worthy manner) and i walked in the rain and cold wind today. rocks

weroiu bantrmslk zx

its been more than a week since i blogged. i used to blog much more. oh wells
i watched the last ep of goong today and skipped all the in betweens. i dun like the ending. so i shall not faithfully watch finish the entire series. it is making me very tired and it feels super draggy. it doesnt even feel like an ending to me. was very afraid that there would be no end to the story so i went to watch the last ep directly. i think this is the first time i watch movie/drama go directly to the end cos i was afraid i'd hate the ending. somehow i managed to persist through the other dramas even tho the middle looks quite hopelessly sad. thinks that the xiao lv super poor thing la, he's been suffering and in pain since the beginning right through to the end of the show. haii i was hoping something nicer would happen, turns out everything returned back to the beginning. so dumb aieesh

i wish for a holiday. i hate the feeling of jc life being a time to build up ur resume so u can get into some zai university. i wanna sit at home for these 2 months, go for a holiday far far away with my family, read more chinese books, nice novels, books on birds and wildlife, go on coral walks, work with kids, get the oven to work and make something nice, go kayaking, go skating... xian

i'm freaking myself out.
My internet explorer opens with 2 tabs. One is the SAT registration webpage, and one is the testakers course timetable. The course that i would have to attend to go for SATs on 2nd dec has alredi begun for 3 weeks. but if i sign up now, and they lemme in halfway, i would still have covered everything if i go for the extra help sessions. The registration deadline for the SAT test is 9 days away. meaning i must make my decision fast. the class will cost $1550 more expensive than jex. and if i dun go, i will definitely take longer than less than 1 month to prepare for the SAT. i am in some shit. and piano exam is in 6 days. ><

wahh how were my promos? they were BAAAD!!! lol haii.. life goes on. i'm irritated by today's heat. and i'm irritated by my still very painful throat =< and i'm sick of dragging OP dry run.. but could not be helped. i've slept like half my day away and i still feel like sleeping now. some pig am i. i've finished half the family size bottle of the pi2 pa2 gao1.. and my throat is still dying aaaaaa! can school end like..now.. xian xian xian

ms chuah cheat my feelings.. wen i asked abt my econs she said i did ok.. i was like orh. ok..is as expected is it? cos i was predicted a C for econs. so i thot ok.. the bet i win le. why she say i do ok only.. i think i did well la. can count the position in class so thats very good..considering last time i ish E one. then thats not all. she say she not teaching in j2! aiyoyoyo how can liddat? if liddat my econs ish E again! =< i hope ms chuah can stay. cos i understand it wen she teaches. dunno if will be the same if other econs tchr teach. and wen ms chuah came, i stopped sleeping inclass! and econs sounded less like hindi to me! haii.. ms chuah dun zao!

Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Have said too much
But not enough

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all


真的
我努力的仰着脸孔
试着眼泪不往下流
别往下流
不安的感觉到什么
在我生活中不再相同
很不相同
想要说
却还沉默
伸出手
无法触碰
天空突然一片辽阔
原来你是真的已经离开我
在我不熟悉的世界过新的生活
闭上眼让泪水滑落
此刻你已真的永远离开我
在另外一个没有我的世界
自由的走

new specs

haha for those who have been bugging me about my 圆圆 specs, i have finally changed it hahahaha. and ppl's response very funny. i think i must look really comical in my new specs. justina and ruth's first reaction was to laugh. ruth decided i came from outer space. my brother decided i look less like his sister and more geek. jiahui and haojin thot i looked ok and better than last time. me? i decided tt i can see better with my old specs and will have a lower tendency to fall down the stairs in my old specs. hahaha. and the new specs lens very small, and very far from my eyes. so like half my vision is gone lol. and i haf a feeling i look crosseyed in this HAHAHA

service 963 has been as irritating as ever. i had to let 4 buses go before managing to get on one. my brother says its cos i'm not as skinny as him. and he has no problem boarding the 2nd bus that comes along. and my mum very funny.. told both my dad and i to get breakfast. so tml i have a lot a lot of breakfast! lol and because i went to get breakfast and decided to walk back afterwards, i had to inhale that much more hazy air and let a 173 and another 963 pass me. wahhhhhh >=

and today we were looking at flies. small fruit flies. bad for a day with new specs that dun lemme see very clearly. haha so i switched back to my 圆圆 specs so that i can see the flies haha. today then i figured wat exactly were drosophila. i think all the flies u see around food are all drosophila. and they all haf red eyes. except mutants with white eyes and black eyes. and now my fingers smell of flynap haha. not difficult to guess wat that is. despite efforts to keep the flies alive..many were *accidentally* squished and squashed by my cor lorh fingers LOL

today was promo returning day. everyone does well at promos. so it seems like everyone didn't do that well anyway. haha like at CTs, my careless mistakes din seem to make that much of a difference. at promos, every 1 mark makes a lot a lot of difference LOL. aiya. wats done is done. find it a bit over when ppl overreact.. and like dun attend class so you dun get ur paper back cos u dun wanna know how much u got yet? wat's done is done la. its only the promos. no point getting so stressed over promo results.. heh and to all those who have already secured ur 4 As, many rounds of applause should be awarded to you. cos despite promo paper generally being easier than expected (well other than bio which was severely lacking in practice anyway) it is horribly difficult to get the 4th A for the contrasting subject (most being econs). so i have won the bet! haha. wonders if james and justina wans to change terms of bet. 4 As is really quite siao. but then again..RJ ppl are siao ppl ><

For a long time i wanted to blog. i'll go to the dashboard, click create new post and stare at the 2 white boxes staring back at me. xian

anyway promos are over, ca2 is over, open house is over, now its time for practical reports 2 and 3 to be due, time to prepare OP speech (ye i know i a lil slow on this), time to prepare class CIP and time to mug for grade 8 theory exam (ugh..). I hate doing practical reports cos its so tedious. but i like finishing it cos i realise, at the end of it, that i suddenly know wat i'm doing in my pracs. Still happy that we dun haf to do practical reports back in sec 4, when we did exactly the same practicals...

the last open house perf marked the 5th time i'm performing the p2K dance. i think i wun ever ever wanna hear tt song or do tt dance again. i am sooo sick of it. i wonder if dancers ever get sick of performing. and artistes in korea perform the same song so many times..dun they ever get tired of doing the same thing, hearing and singing the same song?..maybe it depends on the quality of the dance? i guess i wun mind perfing a difficult dance more.. things that look difficult and feels better with each time its done. i wonder if there's such a dance..like uhh moto?.. how do u teach people to 自由发挥 for dance? how do u do good freestyling without coping wholesale from past routines..i liked e last version of our open house perf. i think its good to haf variations everytime e same perf is performed. maybe minwoo is like me. dun like to do the same thing all e time, so vary e dance each time its perfed.

monday is promo returning day. i'm not particularly disturbed.. dunno why ppl always cannot slp e day before returning of papers. i always wanna know how well or how badly i did, whether i screwed up worse than i thot, or din do as well as i'd expected. but tts not e point. haha e point is tt i dreamt last nite tt i got my GP paper back. n my GP tutor was cheryl li (HAHA cheryl u reading this?) LOL ye and i got 96% for GP which is how impossible HAHAHAHA i rmb wondering if i read wrongly and its supposed to be 69% (which would haf been really good for me). oh wells i cant rmb how the GP paper was like. if i pass i am happy. i think wats more disturbing is tt monday is 2 practical reports due date..and even tho i've been telling myself to start on e report, i haf barely started. and at this time, not a single report is done. this means i am really quite screwed lol.

today i went ntuc wif my mum. met sau at the fruits section haha. we agreed that we were good girls helping our mums out. haha n somehow ntuc seemed to be filled wif china ppl today. i keep hearing scary chinese all over e place. (rmb how i felt china ppl spk chinese aggressively...) and thr was this woman making a big fuss over the cost of the starfruits or sth liddat. n even said sth abt working at ntuc before (i'm sure!) n knowing guidelines n asking for e manager. wat rubbish. haii they must learn to understand tt in singapore, scammers are hard to come by (unlike at some other place tt they are familiar with..) n in places like ntuc, giant, carrefour, scamming is not possible due to competition. was funny n irritating all at e same time.. tsk tsk

and in the midst of doing my practical reports. i'm wondering why is pUC 18 pronounced as PAK 18. POOK 18 sounds nicer. lol

i'm being horribly random today..

breathe

for the first time in many many days i can breathe and my throat is not horridly painful and at least now i can talk, not like last nite X( haze is bad smog is bad smoke is bad. and wen its hazy madness and people still smoke thats even badder. happy that today i when i walked out of my room i could breathe and i can finally see the trees and birds opposite my house. seems tt this morning the birds were exceptionally loud haha. yay for no more smoke!

dance

i told my dad we did floorwork today. and i showed him my spectacular artworks on my knees. haha his first response was, why so dumb? never wear pads underneath the long pants. i said, i din even wear long pants. and everyone can guess what he said hahaha. i'm quite pleased with my injuries hahaha looks quite pro LOL so long never hurt the knees, forgotten the pain in the bathroom when u have injuries on the knees haha. then in the bathroom screaming away LOL. but mine only light 破皮 so not much extra pus or anything lol hahah reminded of how ruth and i practised our turning on the knees ending for perfect man for prom dance last year end. last time only had red patches, today so many balookoo. haha have total of 8 lol big and small haha. last time all our dance prac always wear long pants. then now 怕热 and got used to my fats wobbling everywhere so never wear le. haha so got extra art pieces after prac lol

rants of the day

if there is something i cannot stand. its when guys wear super low pants and super short tshirts so that their boxer shorts or underwear show.. you really think ur underwear so hot arh ><

***
and then arh also..old people who demand lotsa money. pls why for. at the end of the day they are split among the kids. and so smart demand from people who pay and are responsible for ur medical fees wif ur medical ailments. >< aieeee

haii i think its horrible being my dad. my bro dun really treat him very well, my mum gets easily agitated, and my grandma is like some 10 times worse than my mum and my grampa is in quite a bad state. pls cheer up.. omg feels like a damn heavy burden ugh..

aieeeeeee

***
open house in one week. my gawsh jia you everyone! we can do it. even if we may be there with aching back, dying bones and shattered muscles. dun worry we look like some bomb coolio sh*t =D we can pull thru this one week.. even if OP is how intense now (i'm sure they JUST tell us OP dry run is so soon.. rubbish) aieeeee..now its time to slp.. must wake up to do music later

终于

That post was supposed to be posted last nite. but i was too lazy to go type chinese. that song.."One-TVXQ" or "爱失控-Energy" is a song that cant go wrong. Its just whether it sounds really that much special. oh well. copied things are never as special.

Anyway exams are finally over. and everyone seems to haf spent the rest of the day in a way more exciting than i haf haha. i saw so many classes and their class outings. why i din think of one for my class. oh wells. i enjoyed my mid day with dance. so it was enjoyable enough i guess. i think post exams are only as nice as you plan it. the more things you plan, the more exciting it is. so to those with sleepovers, parties, outings, camp, have fun. haf a lot of fun =) to those who are already at outdoor buffet, and to those who are going to go, remember to enjoy yourselves. and see the fun side of things. its going to make life so much better. and i shall find some way to entertain myself, and make myself feel less like a lump of lipids.

and for those wonderful souls who actually attempted to look for the oriole, click here for a close up! =)