my lack of response is almost always explained as denial
the first death I had to deal with was my grandma. she was having a difficult time. when she left, all the grand children weren't there. i was 15. i remember trying to make myself cry because it seemed like it was the right thing to do. maybe all those scriptures we had to chant was good at numbifying me. i was upset, but i didn't intensely feel a sense of loss
and then I was 18 and there was a death in the next door class. a suicide. i didnt feel upset at all. maybe i was caught up with my own issues
and then a break up
and then a couple of days ago an accident. we certainly knew each other. but we weren't close. we shared lots of mutual friends. and therefore it is all over my facebook feed. and my first reaction was, things happen, a lot of the times they cant be expected. so we just move on like we have a long time more to live, whether that is really true or not, you'll only know at the turn of the next corner. no i'm not grieving, i don't think i am.
remember 500 days of summer? remember summer? maybe when you come from a dysfunctional family/live through a particularly turbulent bit of family troubles, everything feels insignificant, because it is quickly learnt that nothing is permanent, some less so than others
