i must mug

after 1 hour of very lousy bejeweled playing.

Further infection by TB is curbed by a CMI response. sounds so CMI to me. =S

a little pharmacology

my heart needs increased parasympathetic inhibition

my nucleus accumbens needs to increase dopamine signalling

i need to be less stupid

another week has passed

I eat my cookies and walk all over the place, dropping crumbs as I walk.

Luckily I don't have ants here. yet.

Napped too long.

I woke up after way too much sleep for a nap, because I dreamt

I dreamt of my mum, I saw her face flat and puffy like dough, blotches that suddenly became so much more visible, cheeks sagging to her knees, and all those puffiness obscuring her features, just like how it was when she came.

I dreamt of my grandma, her quiet caring nature, she was healthy looking, not scrawny tired and hungry like she was when she left me, she had the face I remembered from my childhood days.

I dreamt of my grandpa, he was sickly and tired, and was leaning against rails while sitting, he was skinnier than I had ever remembered.

It was a nightmare.

marathon!

my duckduck finished her marathon! far from winning, but i still think my duckduck is more successful that i am.

是否一样

都带着昨天的伤试图想要遗忘

take care

take care of my summer

take care of my mum

take care of my work

take care of my friends

an unlucky day

missed appointments and failed grocery shopping. and a reminder that I have yet to secure a summer attachment. I'm such a failure today..

lets hope my lack of luck will not affect the luck of the people around me

I was told I should be less apologetic, and stop feeling like I'm not doing enough. Even if I really am. So that people will not bully me. Because I'm worth more than I think. Why does this sound so familiar.. did I hear something similar at JLC..

and for some strange reason, I feel colder in the day and warmer in the night. what kind of weird creature am I.

lost the point

I feel so bad to have made you go to sleep miserably. I feel sorry to have convinced you to change the purpose of your trip. We had high expectations that time would not allow. Maybe there is a reason for all this 'so close but so far' feeling.

and now even if I wanted you to stay you couldn't.

We always make do with the little time that we have. I'm miserable too.

transition

a massive outpouring.

a year of generosity.

too much cooking.

the irony of it all

so I was having trouble getting profs to mentor me, and I had wanted to apply for summer research grants but because I couldnt get profs therefore I couldnt apply.

I cant believe now I'm helping someone else submit his (almost late) application for the grant. the one I wanted. Don't ask me how I'm going to bring myself to do it.

to eat:

Udders waffles

No 18 Zion Road Fried Kway Teow
Zion Road Riverside Food Centre

my mess

on the side of me by corrinne may

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

a long time ago

i remember how i used to kiss my dad goodnight, even if he was in the middle of the news or some random tv show. one night he stopped me because his psoriasis was getting worse at the scalp, had spread to the back and going to go all over the body, and he was also getting some on the face and he didnt want me eating his medications.

how long will it take

for me to be happy again?

Xinzi...

sniffs,

sleeps,

works,

cooks,

stresses,

laughs,

stones,

writes,

thinks,

hugs,

wonders,

plans,

worries,

chats,

hides,

cries.

WATCH!

A nice post that almost completely exemplifies what I feel about most men

http://www.thegrrl.com/2008/08/dont-you-wish-youd-had-divorce-cake.html

is thankful

for everyone who has been lending me support, and showing me what I could do.