my 18th bday!

oh it was a wondrous day =D took many pictures since last friday haha i shall post them since pictures speaks many more words than i probably will type in one entry =p

6july went marina south hoping to fly kite only to find the grass spaces cordoned off and the whole place seemed quite abandoned. there was no wind to fly kite and the "kite flying space" was so small and so many trees i don't think anyone will ever try to fly kite there. but went to somewhere where we could see the sea and heres some pics taken about 7pm

7july went for psc talks then went toy museum with the SGH CIP gang. a curious place with interesting things. i never knew theres a dog called Bonzo the dog which Felix the Cat was supposed to challenge lol and batman used to be so short and stout (doesnt that sound like a teapot?..)

the predecessor of Darlie toothpaste XD 原来它叫“黑人牙膏”是有原因的..

used to haf a little mermaid painting book something like that, all i needed was a cup of water and a paint brush. and i loved it. haha it was one of those things that my brothers never played with haha!

handcrafted chinese wooden dolls made by girls saved from brothels in China. the faces look so real..

the first wooden doll made by this man who got a bunch of refugees to make dolls to earn money.

my favourite: dancing dolls! a whole row of them! how sweet!

11july
sisters had a big M celebration for me during break. candle on a muffin haha it was so cute! gave me half a present and asked me to solve a hilarious IQ puzzle to get the other half hahaha! jiahui drew some elfish looking thing lol. and there was even a careless error in it which i was ofcourse able to identify hahahahaha!!!!!
went out after the law talk. we played 2 games of bowling..which left me aching all over today =/ so lousy XD walked around marina square while gerald espounded on his expertise on choosing handbags hahaha yeesian and i were quite amused =P we walked from esplanade across the bridge to fullerton hotel, which was beautiful. and saw the national day floating stadium from the bridge too =)













and we walked from fullerton hotel down the belly of the carp and then down a few roads and we got to Central, this new shopping centre opposite Clarke Quay. It has nice white lights =) we went to a jap restaurant there, pasta with japanese mainly seafood toppings. i thought they had great service and great restaurant layout and i loved their display of all their food hahaha quite an extravagant place though.. we had strawberry pudding and they gave us complimentary sundae for shifting seats. then we walked down opposite bank of Clarke Quay to Riverside Point to look at people flying the remote controlled kites of the night haha. oh it was so pretty!! they were practising some formation thingy and its so amusing to see 3 kites in sync and doing a roll on command! they looked like extra colourful and extra big fireflies. couldnt take proper pictures cos the handphone shutter speed too slow. and when there were so many kites in the sky i watched till i forgot to take photos..

i got really pretty necklaces from the sisters and my dear roofie= D ruth and minggy also got this top for me which i will probably only be able to wear after i slim down and make sure my stomach is flatter and non-round. HAHA gerald got me a handbag squirrel and lilies! i thought i won't ever get lilies from anyone cos they're quite expensive.. and even my brother commented that the squirrel was very nicely painted =))




















thanks to all my friends from long ago from not so long ago from now who wished me happy birthday and sang me birthday song and all.. i was particularly happy when i read my mum's sms to wish me happy birthday <3 i really had a very happy birthday =D




12july caught a really beautiful pink sunset right at my balcony.

and saw a lizard grab a moth. =p

random thoughts

I got a reply. as to whether i can go visit the child i tutored at gracehaven. i think there's lots of red tapes and stuff so it may be quite difficult. Not very sure about the numerous programmes in the home as well... haiyah. guess i won't be able to visit the little kid tomorrow. i hope she won't be too disappointed. i'll work on it and find out how..

i should start drawing up a mugging timetable. prelims musnt be screwed otherwise i will screw myself.

just did the 7 deadly sins test and apparently my greatest sin is pride. then followed by gluttony. lol ok must cut down on food!

stuffed with food

i feel like i've achieved bear state.
polar bear teddy bear koala bear sun bear pooh bear big bear fat bear round bear...
tian ah

eat like BEAR

went Sizzlers for dinner today. so long never eat at Sizzlers le. last time was about P2. my mum said, when we were no longer considered as 'kids' who didnt need to get a main course. haha

i remember how wen i was about P1, we'd go Sizzlers for dinner at Wisma. We little kids just ate from the Salad Bar, and lotsa soup and salad. And of course BOWLs and BOWLs of ice cream. Yep they used to come in BOWLs not ice cream cups HAHAHA. and i remember putting all sorts of colourful toppings on them and cos the sauces din look very colourful i din put them at all. Then i'll bring them back to the table and stir and stir and stir until it became watery milky and then slowly drink it up like COLD soup HAHAHAHA... come to think of it.. must be quite sick.

anyway now its 10 years since the last time we had Sizzlers. (LITERALLY) now we all have to order a main dish, and i had nice mushroom cheese steak. my lil bro who used to run around the restaurant now orders a seafood platter. and the salad bar is still as nice. BUT we dun melt ice cream anymore. and i put only one of the toppings and i sprinkled caramel sauce too. but then ah... never purposely melt ice cream the ice cream also melt very fast hahaha

and today i realised i couldnt identify the papaya. my dad say in June eat papaya until phobia then cannot recognise le. LOL i best

ok anyway. wonderful dinner. feels many layers of flab. dunno when i'll get motivation to go and rid them XD

爱情证书

寂寞当然有一点
你不在我身边总是特别想念你的脸
距离是一份考卷
测量相爱的誓言最后会不会实现
我们为爱还在学
学沟通的语言学著谅解学著不流泪
等到我们学会飞
飞越黑夜和考验日子就要从孤单里毕业
我们用多一点点的辛苦
来交换多一点点的幸福
就算幸福还有一段路
等我们学会忍耐和付出
这爱情一定会有张证书
证明从此不孤独

bored

really really bored
maybe i'll spend this bored time thinking more about the class
after today's J1 CT rep talk dunno why felt like reflecting on my term as CT rep. heh actually been quite a lazy CT rep. lol we decorated the back of the class room, but the sheets started falling down and stuff were getting messy. and i was too lazy to clear it. and the school cleaners cleared them instead. so our chalk and spray paint and black sheets are all gone. Shall i get new ones? i really think the black sheets are very good for venting watever. then dun haf to draw on the table. if only we had a black board at the back. scribbling is so fun =/ and i wish we had black stuff that absorbs spray paint better.

and then i realised that i forgot to celebrate birthdays in term 2. only celebrated Ms nair's. so i guess next week we'll be celebrating bdays for some 10 people cos july also many many people's bday.

and my stomach's feeling horrible. i feel like a banded leaf monkey. it has a really really round stomach. cos its kinda bloated. it eats leaves so theres lotsa fermentation in its stomach. ie a lot of gas generation, resulting in a very round stomach. yup that sorta describes myself now. not that i've been pigging and eating that much but aiyai stomach feeling like its doing a lot of fermentation. i can feel it inside me =/

benny lent me brother bear. i should get down to watching it soon. and i wan to keep brother bear 2 also. its so sweet.

been singing in the bathroom. not that i only started doing it recently. but it seems to be the only place where i feel like singing nowadays. so sad. i feel kinda saddened that i havent uploaded recordings in ages. no mood leh.. and i started playing bumble bee again. but i keep feeling super warm and sticky after playing through once so havent had the patience to sit down and memorise and figure out. wanna go learn a dance also, like dakishimeru from youtube or something. but havent been into boa that much lately. don't even visit the forums liao. but i wanna resume dance class. i feel super rusty when i go back studiowu. feeling rusty and lousy cos everyone there have already improved so much and i'm still stagnant. really really wanna go back for lessons esp now no more street. argh but no money. maybe i'll ask my dad and see if he wanna buy a package for me as bday present. it'll be my greatest bday present in years. i dun even remember wat they gave me in the past few years. it must have been something i needed, not really wanted. well or maybe i'm so horrible i din take the effort to remember what they gave me. i guess it dun matter, they've given me their priceless love for me, for 18 years, and counting. that rocks very much already.

after school go home sleep. i wish i was busier, then can sleep less. so pig. at home no motivation to anything cos the afternoon sun so hot.

i wanna go fly kite.

end of sch hols..

cts finished le. they get more and more challenging each time.. A level must be the most bomb.
last time CTs finish will be so upset and xian diao cos nothing to do. this time so many post CT programme. some more got extra 1 day cos of youth day, and another day cos my CT ends early =P happy happy!!

thought post CT will pig even more. but lol post CT saw the first time i'm exercising after 1 month! haha dancing (jumping around) walking parks cycling in ecp swimming (+jacuzzi!!) ice skating. (and shopping!!!) lol this rocks.

havent skated for soo long! nearly forgot how to skate haha! heng i still remember the drawings in my diary from p5 lol. first time i went skating was p4. 2nd time was in p5. 2nd time went skating i forgot how to skate, so wen i went home i drew in my diary how to skate. lol skating so fun!!

i wanna post pictures from weilin's bday chalet =) we made a present that i thought was really sweet.. but not my idea. looks good anyway damn zai. aiyai sad my phone now charging cannot upload pictures.


Weilin and Anisha

Ruth n Minggy

Ruth

soothing waves

weilin with her present

inside the box: LLAMA!

got pictures from SGH CIP also..this is my fav


cant believe tmr need to go school! to quote yeesian:"feels like my holidays started on friday and ended today" =X cant agree more

another picture. do u see wat i see?



i saw a fallen tree

Home on the range

oh give me a home
where the buffalo roam
where the deer and the antelope play
where seldom is heard
a discouraging word
and the skies are not cloudy all day

home home on the range
where the deer and the antelope play
where seldom is heard
a discouraging word
and the skies are not cloudy all day

it feels like end of CTs already. even though theres still bio paper
may the bio department be kind and give us an Ace-able paper

伤痕

林忆莲的《伤痕》，不知道为什么突然哼起这首歌...

夜已深
还有什麽人
让你这样醒着数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯
你若不肯说
我就不问

只是你现在
不得不承认
爱情有时候是一种沈沦
让人失望的虽然是恋情本身
但是不要只是因为你是女人

若爱得深
会不能平衡
为情困
磨折了灵魂
该爱就爱
该恨的就恨
要为自己保留几分

女人独有的天真
和温柔的天分
要留给真爱你的人
不管未来多苦多难
有他陪你完成
虽然爱是种责任
给要给得完整
有时爱美在无法永恒
爱有多销魂就有多伤人
你若勇敢爱了就要勇敢分

夜已深
还有什麽人
让你这样醒着数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯
你若不肯说
我就不问

time to mug. i dun dare to countdown to anything. freaky...
i'm getting sick of exams.

the past 2 days were quite hectic.. din mug at all
but i think yesterday smoother than today. i thot better la..
maybe cos today got more perfs and i was more into things. kept thinking back to think about how else i could have done it.. at times when i was quite doing too many things at a time, could i have passed it on to someone else. for i had quite a bit of people with me.. but then. no leh. oh maybe could have asked the art club people to photocopy the thingies themselves. that could have freed me up a bit.. i think main problem is the 2 places that i'm running between were too far apart

but i think. today smoother than expected (super thanks so all who came, esp yeesian n gerald whom i asked to come only the day before =D). talk went very well, film went ok, chorale perfs were quite ok, piano went well, puppet went ok (james never say anything about puppet..) craftwork went quite well (maybe cos we didnt try too many wards now) few hiccups like more groups wanting to perform at SOC than should be, congestion at a performance places cos of rain, and suddenly requiring multipurpose plug o.O otherwise..ok la

yay after tuesday, weds thurs fri all dun haf so many things happening atthe same time, and performers mainly our own people, so should be very easy. somehow wen we dun have the performing ppl's contact numbers, then they dun come on time.. =S nearly freaked me when the piano and drum never come until so close to perf time.. and the poor guy run between 2 places haii. the both of them should just be together la..

okok enough. this kind of chaotic conditions, heng i survived it and never die too badly. should go back to math

oh i had ice mocha today. get sweeter as u drink. haha

aching!

yay! heng today got ache. but dunno if that will make me go run.
my motivation level now is like at 1, assuming maximum 100.
ie no motivation to mug no motivation to run. oni a bit of motivation to keep eating papayas

yesterday go dance quite fun la.. learn something new. but dunno la. maybe never teach them ethics of the dance studio. and then i understand what rebecca means when she say we got no respect for instructor. cannot believe it la talk so much then keep clustering.. why so scared to do and practise >=I
but i wanna come for more! i wanna go sign up for more classes and like keep dancing, at least 2 hours a week, which is damn little already. i wanna dance! i wanna learn. i dun wanna just mug. so xian after CTs is not rest, is mug sumore.

today go zoo! with imh patients. it went really well i think. some hiccups but no big problems. i hope they enjoyed themselves, since they rarely get to go out. my partner was a very nice man, who drank lotsa water, and talked to me =) singapore zoo has more monkeys than anything. just quite sad that go australian outback oni got kangaroo and wallaby and emu no wombat. i really wanted to see wombat. never see before.. learnt sth new today. wallaby is the one that walks wif hands and legs. kangaroo oni hop.

super tired. halfway thru the zoo trip i wanted to sleep le. luckily my partner dun need a lot of attention or super high or keep wandering away. tomorrow need to wake early! better hope i can wake up. i need to wake at 815 and leave house at 830 latest. impossible for me to wake so early X(

really cannot bring myself to mug. heres answers for the last bird test. lol
i think i din really get the name right but nvm.
laughing thrush looks like that:

yea and in the picture below u get to see the black eye "liner" (lol) and the white crown =D
ok i think this one really quite tough..

DANCE

tml got dance! cant wait.
first dance class in 1+ months!
my gawd how did i live through this.
tian..

cant wait for all the muscle aches.
i've been so slack and like totally not exercising
just sitting and trying to mug >< argh but not really getting anywhere
and sleeping for long long hours
i wanna ache!

maybe after this saturday i will continue to go running and do my stomach exercises..
cos aching feels good. and cos physical activity will make me mug better and more?..

ahh dance dance dance
tml is BIG GROOVE. i oni read about it TODAY. so SLOW. then all the master classes koped le. but i wanna kope also cannot la... i am SOOOOOO broke. this sunday going to bring IMH patients to zoo need $5 for tram. ahh my bro must return me the $5 now. otw sunday i can walk wif the tram =X best.

am so behind. was planning the rest of the mugging for the rest of the hols. not a lot of time left. but tian I'M STILL NOT JIN ZHANG ABOUT IT TO MUG! why liddat -.-

mugging kills the soul i say.. maybe find some time go macritchie jogging again. must da qi jing shen leh..

and i'm still constantly getting shot by complex numbers.
i hope vectors wun kill me as badly as complex does. ARRRR

weekends are almost always spent out! =S xinzi is freaked out by the mugging peoples. just yesterday benny and james simultaneously find me and say they stress about exams and freaked about As. aiyai.

Saturday went to kids central to support the lil kid =) i was hoping i'll be able to see the other lil kids perform too.. but the kids were taken to a room and frens family not allowed to follow. i hope he did well.. results coming out on the 15june, quarter finals on the 23 24 june at Chinatown Point. xian diao. week before CTs! dun think i can choreo for him le. i hope he at least gets to the quarter finals.. he was number 86..there were only 4 kids for that time period. theres another bunch of kids in the 'shift' after his, so i suppose nearly 100 kids to choose from. dunno how many they choosing out of this 100. see how la. his mum very supportive of him leh (so xian mu lorh), the rest of the kids there were girls, then dress up until.. but ya must dress up la. his mum says next year bring his sis over to participate, i guess some parents like it when their kids get famous.. my mum never really liked me dancing/singing/performing. she says not ladylike =( gahh seems like only ballet and those classical things are ladylike. then i go for hiphop class, sign up for another 10 classes then she 'ngehngehngeh...' if studiowu does another production next year, i wanna be part of it leh.. dunno if my mum will allow =(

Sunday went for Evoke! not that cool a name but it was a damn cool performance! haha and i'm happy to have gone with streeters =) quite zai lorh. and saw a number of faces that i recognise from class de (then wish i was part of the team.. but not possible la with VIBE and all in the same preparation time.. ahh i wanna dance!) the only dance in this whole month will be next saturday! we gonna redeem our free class at studiowu =D

Barely mugged. knowing yeesian's progress scares me a lil, but cant seem to get motivation to mug! ahh dunno why leh. and its not like i got damn a lot of time. week after next still got SGH CIP leh. and i'm down for so many hours.. haii xinzi must mug! =(

parents

i wonder if they visit this place.
my dad probably can find time to dig around for this place..but i dun think my mum has
anyways..my bro n i went out for pirates. what gerald called a sisters nite out -.-
on my way back my mum called..and in her usual pissed off angry screaming voice.. i dun need to elaborate
she ask me how come i go watch movie with my lil bro never tell her.
she ask me how come i go watch movie with my lil bro never ask my other bro to come along.
you know, i dunno why..
i guess i just followed my heart and din really think about what was the "right" thing to do. i din intend to hide that my bro and i going for movie. i din intend to make sure my other bro dun come. no i dun harbour such horrible thoughts. somehow i just thot no i dun need to ask my other bro to come along cos he probably dun wanna come. (but would he?) and the other... oh wells.
i dunno la.
i dun think very much.

but somehow, i'm just very happy to have spent this evening with my lil bro and my lil bro alone. and that we watched a very enjoyable movie. that all these on my way back..doesnt seem to get on me that hard.

maybe i'm really mean. my other bro must be feeling quite shitty.. (he'll watch it with his frens anyway..rite?..)

Another SPOT THE BIRD game =D

This bird is the laughing thrush. quite a big bird. taken by my phone camera but i think its easier to see than previous ones =)



Today we went APSN to see the kids again, give them their bookmarks tshirts lanyards..

and they gave us food =D

as well as these very nice cards <3<3

happy =D

-23/05

toilet blues

constipation is no fun
bend from dawn till set of sun
cannot stand and cannot sit..
(and in horrible cases cannot lie down also..)

argh. i wish i can sh*t as easily as i use the word.
and i dun think its a diet thing cos i've been eating fruits like their my only meal and i'm still getting my constipation. theres something horribly wrong cos in the last month, i've constipated for 4 or 5 times already. 2 less severe, an 3 horribly horrid. and the last time i had it before this past month was in dec. argh. dunno wat to do cos my mum thinks going to the doctor will be useless and keep proposing various unorthodox self healing methods that i doubt will improve my situation at all. and after the whole event, everywhere is swollen and aching, that no sitting position/standing position is comfortable. and walking is particularly uncomfortable. ahhh
but i dun wanna miss school tomorrow cos theres chem lec test! and i'll be like wobbling around at the same time. oh my tian. and i was supposed to be spending part of tonight thinking about choreography for one of my kids at APSN cos he wanna participate in 1 min of fame. no i dun wanna not go school tml. but wat to do.. now i'm either squatting or bent over and it feels super screwed up. ahhhh save me. wat in the world is wrong wif my bowel system???

a night of chinese songs

i love quiet nites wif soft chinese songs on radio. until chongqing speaks in his eerie voice about ghost stories. -.- lol anyways i've been looking for this song! cannot find =(

林俊杰 - 自由不变

不变不动不转的世界
刹那瞬息片刻永远..
用全心记住你的脸
来来回回千万遍
突然领悟你是如何爱我

一直习惯简单的随心的放任的自由
不喜欢冻结的酒不愠不火
日复一日无聊的生活
沉默的了解的是你的温柔
不管我错了对了
因为你说那就是我
我一直习惯简单的随心的
wo~wo~~ yeah
那就是我..

oh and when i'm not listening to radio, this song will be in my mind, ah such a sad song
曹格 - 背叛

雨不停落下来
花怎么都不开
尽管我细心灌溉
你说不爱就不爱
我一个人欣赏悲哀
爱只剩下无奈
我一直不愿
再去猜钢琴上黑键之间
永远都夹着空白
缺了一块就不精采

紧紧相依的心
如何say goodbye
你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句say goodbye
当作最后一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡
今后都不管
只要你能愉快

心有一句感慨
还能够跟谁对白
在你关上门之前
替我再回头看看
那些片段还在不在

-lyrics from baidu.com

and recently i heard another song by energy. sigh. now they copy fly to the sky in one of their classics, missing you. i believe its not new song la..i just slow to hear it. somehow i always find it increasingly 可惜 that they keep copying other artistes nice songs..that i lazy to slam them le. oh wells. it a nice melody. lyrics quite nice also. just thot it could be done better..hmm.

rant

i'm really in a rant a lot mood right now.
really wanna call ruth and talk or something but at this kind of time if i am found to be talking on the phone for like 1+ hours i will prolly be stoned by my mum.
and besides she is always busy. she prolly still is very very busy. or maybe shes at church now. or maybe shes just very tired now and prolly KO-ed. i would have died living life like her. i've said it so many times shes sick of me saying it.
maybe i'm slowly getting into my post Street blues. i expected post Street to be quite happy cos i'll be finally liberated from all admin work and shitty stuff esp arranging things or like teaching people (ye i feel very ashamed to say that i'm quite sick of teaching people, i'll prolly make a very horrible teacher). but no leh. i'm not used to not thinking about street, and i still keep thinking about street, and how we must tell the next batch not to follow in our mistakes. the first year saw so many mistakes. and quite a lot of unhappy times. each time a streeter comes to tell me about affairs in street i sometimes feel quite sad for the mistakes that's been made. and because the time has passed, there will never be time to correct it. only when next batch comes, then we try to articulate what exactly went wrong for us. but its quite hard to explain when u havent been in it before. jc life is too short to pass to experienced people.
suddenly feel like talking to crystal also, for thanking her for always being so receptive to us teaching, willing to learn, shes one of the greatest students in street. i wonder how many sreeters feel after 1 half years of being in street. really wanna read and hear their honest opinions and not just a procedural reflections thing but a spontaneous outpouring of whats inside. i hope there is things inside to pour.
ruth was just telling me the other day about how being street chair is quite a thankless job, and i just added..like a mother. u sometimes dun feel quite appreciated. (saying thank you is one thing, how much you mean it could be another, and only time tells how much it means) i think shes feelng this way for a long time now. esp since 2 months ago ba. that somehow what she wanted aways seemed to be more than people wanted to achieve and hence people stop practising before they reach her standards or stop demanding before they reach the best that they can be. sometimes she feels like shes going through a lot of trouble to put up a good show, but shes the only one doing it. and i've heard this more than once from her: "that yea we're noobs/we're doing this for charity but that should not compromise on the quality of the performance.we need to respect our audience" i couldnt agree more. the point of street is not for people to see noob dance, but to see that altho we're new, we can do great stuff. but i think one year of performance has made people lose sight of that? or that perhaps people have grown complacent. i need not illustrate this. the last perf was enough evidence.
despite working much wif a (makeshift) mirror, i have a feeling streeters dun really see themselves well enough in it, they dun see a true reflection of themselves in there, they see wat they think they see, they see wat they feel they see. i am personally guilty of that at times. i would go down turn on the music and dance. dance to steps that i know, choreo/items that i know, full energy, for like 7-10 mins, before realising how I am still greatly lacking in my performance skills and sharpness. and begin to understand why my dad went for VIBE and came back telling me "you try very hard, but you have no talent for dance" i still cant fully understand what he's saying, and i'm just gonna convince myself he's doing that becos he has another motive to get me to mug hard and spend the rest of my half year mugging and doing nothing besides mugging. wat an evil conspiracy.
i'm feeling super emo now. thinking about street generally makes me feel emo. thinking about how there wun be much dance in my life for 1+months due to my poverty is going to make me very very moody. and thinking about how the rest of this half year is pure mugging and essay writing and uni applications and exams is prolly going to make me lose my character and soul. yes i'm gonna be very very emo.

Tuesdays

tuesday was Ms Nair's birthday. we had a nice cake for her which i think i ate more than 1/4 of it LOL.. such a pig am I. and we got her wonderful note presents. i really think notes mean more than presents. dunno why when i was preparing the thingy the nite before i was reading and reading and couldnt help crying. Ms Nair's just great

tuesday. Ms Nair showed us Tuesdays with Morrie. we finished it yesterday. made me wanna read the book, but dunno when i'll really get down to it. Time is indeed a scarce commodity these days. and it'll take a while for people to start living with a bird on their shoulders. if i were living with a bird on my shoulder, then maybe A levels wouldnt really be the top on my list (well i dun even think it is right now) and future planning will not take precedence over everything. yea maybe it shouldnt. life isnt all about building resume. i hope its still the case. I'd like to live more ideally than practically.. the movie had quite a bit of nice quotes from there "Why does everyone wanna be number one? whats wrong with being number two?" and there was quite a few on love. and how without love, we die. i think not physically die, but spiritually.. and i loved this the most: "A person dies, but the relationship stays". First time after a movie when the whole class was soooo quiet. and where we didnt fuss about going off early. and even when ms nair says we can go off early we kinda slowly zaoed..and lingered around..

tuesday. the first day of exco interviews. it was really through these interviews that i get suddenly reflection brainwaves, of how i had been at the beginning of last year, and of how i am now. and i'm seeing myself so clearly in rachel. (i wonder if any j1 is reading this) through street, i really saw for myself how a team works, how my past method of working on my own will not work out when there are so many things to be handled at the same time, how working on my own will not involve people and make them feel belonged, i saw the flaws of being impulsive or of following my heart more than my head... (i think i still do that but to a lower extent..i hope), i saw how we should not judge people too early and how they will surprise you, i saw how being quiet does not mean you don't contribute, i saw how even without holding a high position one can still contribute ideas and change street for the better, and i saw how it is good to have birds eye view ie macro view like what ruth does, and how being really meticulous and seeing all the little details will not be enough, but that will take while for me to get. i remember getting troubled as i started to get sick of street as i saw all the admin, and how on more than one occasions, i was merely pushing forward mindlessly, perhaps the macro understanding could have brought me further, but i remember how no matter how much ruth explained i couldnt get it, i couldnt see it in action, even though words seem logical. i remember writing before that i'm not that effective a leader but more of a follower, and even as a leader, i need to constantly remind myself a leader works, discusses, figures out stuff, decides with her team not on her own (i was hoping i had semi achieved that in my PW team). i learnt that as equals, (yes we're equals, whether we're CT rep or chair or vchair or member or treasury) i cannot really command people to do things, but they must be willing to do it or to be supportive of your decision. and although we may not have been able to achieve so ideal an environment in street, i think out of 100%, we've achieved 85%. which is quite remarkable of a first year dance group. we saw a lot of our errors, which still has it effects on our members today, like how we had untapped-on talent and people who could have progressed so much but werent given the chance to. i learnt that i should trust, and also guide, (i think almost all my learning was in this year ><) and not to do for them (ie when we allocate stuffs out), but i think i still have much to learn about how to guide, and keep checking, without doing it already. yes this first batch was truly bumpy, with us gaining much more wisdom as october/promos/open house neared. << yes we took that much time. and even up to this year, we are still making mistakes. and i really hope that we could learn from these mistakes and inform the next batch, and the next batch and the next batch, about it. I'm sure the 2nd batch wouldnt be very easy either, but i hope that with our advice, it'll work out better. we'll always be here for advice!

today we broke the news of new exco to them. i hope they will accept it and work well with it. trust us in our judgement, our experience in handling all these things on our own has taught us much more than teacher ics and leadership camps can. mistakes teach people harder lessons -and we've learnt, now we hope you'll take our advice. our experiences are enough to tell us what arrangement will work out. now is for all to give each other a chance, to know each other better, to believe in each other, and not to devalue yourself, and i'm sure that with that, yall can bring street to very great heights in the future.

*

still 2 things else thats bugging me but i'll just write about one.
R PROJECT!
wo de tian.
people are going for it cos they hear of the battle. (like we're trying to pick a fight -.- i'm sure)
being the black sheep that i am, i seriously doubt the success of this battle.
they say its street vs dance, but i dun think it'll work out. the current teams is already kinda screwed up. its not street v dance right now anyways. and seriously half the people involved have no idea what they're in for and we're kinda freaking out.. if you wan a spectacular show, i certainly hope yall wun be disappointed. meanwhile, more talks will be initiated. oh my tian. if i'm not confident..i may just withdraw =S

vibe!

i love the time now
i love the number of hours i slept in class today
i love the number of hours i slept once i got home today...

last nite saw the conclusion of street concert. it was a blast! even tho it was short, it was crowded, probably hot also, i think most who went down were happy with wat we prepared for them. and i hope the $12 was worth it.

for it was a display of all streeters' hard work, especially over this past 1 1/2 months, back stage crew, onstage performer; the kids' hard work over the last 2 months. it couldnt make me more glad to see them happy after their performance and enjoying themselves, interacting with the other matk kids.

i think for a first time concert, for a 2 year old interest group (yes we are still not a CCA), this concert was really successful and it really made me feel that all the hard work over the past 1 1/2 years was worth it. feels like we're writing history.. we've started street's history with such vibrance, i hope street's journey will continue a long way more..

great thanks to all who came down, for spending that precious time that could have been spent shopping with friends/mugging bio spa/finishing chem tutorials/with family. we couldnt have done without your support. family members and friends who have spurred on streeters during our down days, thanks so much to you too, for keeping us sane despite our insane practices, for understanding our coming home late.. and as most in the audience were from RJ, great thanks to the school population for your support for street. we'll need your continued support to make us a CCA one day =)

the meeting for all streeters after the concert was the best.. we thrashed out everything, what we felt, what could have been improved, and the Anderson's ice cream just made everyone feel so blessed that we managed to finish the concert smoothly. i wished i really managed to get the auntie annes tho.. i really hope we can continue this CIP thing and concert thing into the next year. i have confidence in the next batch.. j1s if yall need help, we'll always be around to help alright?

so half my life is ending.. it'll be exco interviews and handover by the end of this week. and then my life will be over. lol leaving only the mugging. and looking at the pile of untouched homework and notes.. i better start recovering on my mugging soon.

3am now.ms nair's bday celebrations in 5 hours. nite.

I'm a very insecure person.
hard to believe..
cos i'm good at pretending.
even tho it feels like __ inside.
i just dunno how to say it out.

a long walk. and more to go.

i'm feeling a little distraught about the current state of affairs. concert was supposed to be a chance for everyone. a perf planned well in advance, so that people have time to learn more. for it is through performances that people learn the most. but it din work out. people need time to practice, to learn, to adapt, to absorb, and now we no longer have it.

and i still remember the little aspirations we had, ideas that popped out of nowhere, that made us all excited but never got put into action. remember performers in the audience? spotlights in the audience? the concept of a storyline? and i'm wondering what should i have done. thinking back now, maybe at that point in time, i would not have had the foresight to tell people to do otherwise, or the thought of reminding myself about the original objectives i had wanted to achieve through concert. to me, it was not so much about the kids. it was more about us. street.

why didnt i push for practices to start in february. were we all too caught up with J1 stuffs then? j1 orientation and beginning of programme, the planning of j1 programme was wat occupied us for the first 2 weeks or so of february. i should have sensed something was wrong when streeters say they wanna dance, but there was no dance sessions for them. why didnt i check on the choreography then? or was it because i was still being fooled by grand plans and not knowing it. maybe i was caught up with trying to decide and finalise the concept of the concert. we did not have a venue and we had too limited funds. we had even grander plans for selling stuffs that i knew would not really work out. maybe it was a point in time when finances was being changed rediscussed, we were waiting results from somewhere.. there was cny, take five, dramafeste, and without details confirmed, no one had the motivation to start prac.. no. more like there was nothing to prac about.

and by the time march came, no one wanted to practice, because we were 3 weeks away from common test. and the choreographers needed their mugging times. because when CTs come, we are supposed to stop everything and just focus energy on CTs. because exams are more important than any other activities. such a pity. i knew we should have started practice when I was already starting CIP with the kids and finding time very limited. but we cant. CTs were 3 weeks away. and "not everyone can handle CTs and street stuff at the same time like me." yes i was being told that same line a zillion times during that few weeks.

i thought ok we'll wait till after CTs, then we must start practice. but there was still nothing to practice about. it was 6 weeks to performance. except, at that point in time, we still did not have the date confirmed as we did not have the venue confirmed.it wasnt till that week was almost over, 5 weeks, when we finally semi confirmed the venue. and there was more distractions. we had no name. we spent that week trying to settle on a name. yes we spent a week on it. and then we had to work out disparities between what people wanted on a poster. and get the relevant resources/people who are able to do a poster on the computer.by then poster design was one week late. and by the time the 'final' copy came out, we were 2 weeks behind deadline. and there was street nite. and there was various editing, before i finally sent it for printing 2 weeks after it was supposed to be submitted.

and i was so caught up with posters that all i could do to check on the concert group, was to insist that prac started. and i know thats not really called checking. the very first prac session occurred on 9th april just last week. 4 weeks left. and it was to teach the choreography i came up with the tuesday before. i dunno wht happened to the rest of the choreography. it just couldnt come out... and that was the only practice last week. for weds, thurs and fri were spent trying to get as much choreo done/extracted as possible (i am so happy for the group of you who stepped in to figure out a solution.. I wouldnt know what to do on my own..), to rearrange our current item arrangements so as to reach a feasible solution.

so here we are now, in this week. 3 weeks more like 2 1/2 weeks left to concert. at least i can now see a direction where we are going, yet it is still very saddening for me (and for ruth) to shift people around items, because the original intent was not to re-focus on the same people again. we wanted to groom yall. but perhaps i din have the foresight in mid-feb to countdown the no. of weeks/days, to pressurise items earlier, to get people involved earlier, so that we may have more time to help the weaker ones. and it was with lots of heartache that i see i cannot fit people in, that i see old segments reused, that i see the same people appearing in all perfs, that i see myself involved in a full item, when my original intentions were only to dance with the kids. i really did not want street to be just a few strong people hiding the weak people. and it is with great regret that at this point in time i find we have to revert to this again. indeed disappointing. street can be so much more. if only we had more time or realised earlier. i believe the concert will be very good, but this wun be street at its best. sadly..

i think i have been sunken in this kind of mindless doing stuff for a long time. that when ruth first started speaking to me mid last week, i could only make head or tail of what ruth was getting at yesterday.. and could only find time to get this down today since i reached home at an unearthly 2300hours yesterday.

come on. we have 2 more weeks. i'm sure we can do this =) nows the time for every streeter to give your all to street. for it is only when all of you give what you can, can we resurrect ourselves from this nearly deathly mess.

this post probably comes at a very bad time. i'm not trying to dampen publicity efforts. We do have exciting and new items in this concert. we're trying out new styles such as street jazz and we're also trying a swing-ish kind of hiphop. oh theres girly hiphop as well. i'm trying to see if i can insert more kpop elements since those are what the school population rarely sees, and kpop dance style is quite unique. we're also having an item that takes a more dramatic perspective/interpretation of hiphop. the good thing about hiphop is that it is really flexible and and quite all-encompassing, yet you can tell that each component has its own style, and that hiphop is not always the same. our invitational groups also doing breaking, popping, locking, and we have a kids group as well. perhaps these performances can introduce everyone to more genres of streetdance. and hopefully street will be able to bring out the different styles and attitudes of each performace.

to all who have ordered/bought tickets, thanks for your support. my deepest and most sincerest thanks to all who come, close friends, not so close friends, we'll do our best to not waste your money and let you down. really appreciate yall coming down to watch us.

COME!

so long

seems like a long time has passed. maybe cos CTs have passed. usually would find time in between mugging to xian around..but mugging dun seem very worth an entry.. and as usual when CTs finish..i get into some weird sad and empty kind of state. like at the end of last year promos...been angsty! i dunno why. emily and i decided cos we're both emilys, we're naturally angsty. really dunno why tho. i havent even been thinking about stuff.. gives me no reason to be moody.

anyways. street concert can zoom forward now. so many things to be done by this weekend. kids item to be fully choreod, j2 item to be fully choreod, j2 item must start prac next week, poster design must be sent in next week, and must quickly decide if we wanna sell any more things to help raise money for VSA. we haf quite a bit of extra money. anyone got ideas? that can get approval from school very quickly de. then can raise money. put money to good use ma..since we have it already *ponders* so heres the confirmed concert details

note changes!
Street concert name: VIBE
Date/time: 5th May 6th May Sunday, 430-6pm
Venue: DXO (so relieved that we got the place.)
Ticket price: $10 $12 (excluding $1 ticket handling charge if we use ticketcharge)[sorry we trying to crowd control..but i dun think $2 can really control that much crowd..lol)
Doors open 4pm. Come early otherwise you may not get a nice position to see us. Theres TV screens around though. Oh and there arent a lot of sitting space so..if everyone crowds at the stage there maybe cannot see very well...
Ticket sales will commence....soon. Dunno when. Gotta decide if we wanna use ticketcharge. Performers: streeters, APSN youths, tnet, NYP, Tampines Sec, MATK kids (they are really good!)must really thank all our sponsors and partners. i think all who come will get complimentary copy of that month's LIME magazine. LIME rox. i think i will cry when this finishes

-updated 3rdapril-

oh but before that. got another fun stuff coming up. Street "NITE". lol note the "". haha its for j1 and j2 streeters to get tgt! and watch the prowess of j1s haha. got fun games food and j1 perfs. j2s wanna perf also can haha next thursday evening 5-7 liddat. still got details not confirmed. we need a $150 cheque! it wun be given to the bank de..just hold there for a while only. but my ma dun wan to give =(

boajjang forum are back up! ok they've been up for a while le. i'm just slow. made me so pleased. is loves boa! my inspiration =D=D haha here a nice high res pic i found. another of her nike things

so chioooo!!

Kids: this week's theme

today's lifestyle pages 8 and 9 are wonderfully inspiring articles. read them!

this weekend's been a roller coaster ride. i'm so happy theres no school tml.

On thursday we had streetex meeting. rgd cip project. i think we're progressing really well. but we just met with a roadblock. our venue sponsor decided not to sponsor us. left us so lost for a while. threw up many ideas and stressed out on friday calling people. we called back our original venue and seems they are quite willing to sponsor us. haii seems like our original sponsors didnt even talk to our supposed venue people. oh well i think this should work out. pray and hope hard.

Saturday was Class CIP. Sports Carnival at Gracehaven. i think, for a first time, we did fairly well. not exceptional, but not too bad.it would have been better, perhaps if all of us learnt how to deal with kids, what exactly are their emotional needs. i mean, how do you deal with children then come in and before everything starts, they cry,because their parents did not come while other parents came. how do you deal with children who get violent after losing a game because they are upset inside, that their parents left halfway thru the day. and perhaps mich and i were too stress/jinzhang/worried, somehow i couldnt speak and give instructions properly, so the dry run was kinda messy and we could not end briefing in time to get dry run started. a number of lost stuff. my failure balancing role as equipment head and group leader (lincoln! how could u do this to me!watch out as my sharpened knife nears ur throat..) but at the end of it all, the kids wrote their feelings and stuff. and as i read, i was very touched. i feel like we really made a differerence. however small it may be, but for today, most of the kids were really happy to have a special day in gracehaven. for those whose parents came, it must have been very special for them to be involved in games together. as i saw parents and children working thru the 3 legged race,and parents using watever ways they can to help in the fill the bottle game. the parents who turned up are really very sporting. but at the same time, we saw how the kids really wish, inside them, for their parents to be closer to them, long to go home, and how some parents have so many children yet are unable to care for all of them. i went to the home on friday to take a look at the place before the actual day actual event, and the girl i tutored, actually remembers me! i tutored her only for 1 day, under 2 hours, and it was almost a full year ago! i din remember her name =( and i almost didnt recognise her also. haii but now i know and i will remember. wanna quickly grow up and adopt her. and make her feel important and loved. but of course she will also grow up la.. so maybe just visit her more.

and today, i read 2 articles. one is of a superdoctor. who specialises in leukemia in children at st jude children hospital. he's here to give a talk and i missed it. sadly. but its ok. at least i read about him. such a great doctor that inspires me. the other is of a woman in the health service. she works in A&E at Changi General Hospital. the article is about how she balances work and life and family. i certainly hope that i can be like that in the future. that even though i may become a doctor, i will still be able to spend time at home, with my children. and may my children be able to learn about the joys of serving others and putting others first at a young age. hospitals really should adopt flexi-hours. another inspiration. yea i think i will go into medicine.

on a side note, i saw my baby cousin today again hehe so happy. he so cute la! he will scrunch up his face wen he's angry to see if got tears to squeeze out. then when we all laugh he'll laugh along. and then run to daddy cos mummy made him angry haha. heres a pic of him! its my wall paper now! =D

oh and another hokkaido picture!

haha i got browner and poofier hair here lol

i love hokkaido!

Click on it! ^.^

C n Y

should have blogged this 2 nites ago but nvm. last nite trying to mug bio and econs (tho i ended up barely mugging bio and din even touch econs). nite before busy wif street CIP thingums. so difficult to stay awake to burn hiphop songs. so not me la..i used to listen to pop hiphop and high things to keep me bouncing and awake hahaha. 人老了.. what can i say..lol

anyways.this new year got sister clan gathering! at first i thot was class gathering one. but turn out is just sisters. aiya sister clan always end up only me justina jiahui and lincoln leh. lincoln isnt even a sister. but how jiahui too attractive liao, lincoln+jiahui=inseparable HAHAHA we play mahjong, eat lincoln's wonderful food and did econs essay. lol so fun la. my brain is no works properly that day so anyhow suan4 tai2.. and i was supposed to abstain from horrible food cos of my horrible throat (haha still haf quite a sexy voice now lehs hahaha) but doritoes rock XP lol what happened to my ability to resist temptation?! haha lincoln made zaii food! bak kut teh + cheese baked rice + herbal chicken ahhh zaiiii.. and also got some veges la we not that carnivorous. oh yes yes justina says must post pictures!

^^everyone looks happy making jiahui our food lol

lincoln also made nice brownies! complete wif haagen daz rum raisin ice cream! my throat died.. haha not bad..justina and i help to do econs essay and we get nice brownies. lol rocks!

**

today ruth and i ran 2km! haha feel so accomplished. so long never run liao feels good to run. and then after that feel my sweat drip drip and then do stomach exercise haha. but dunno why. look mirror like getting fatter =( so sad la..ppl can eat less exercise more and grow thin. but i eat less exercise more also reman this size or grow bigger.. i dun think i exercise that much to grow muscles wat. the amount of dance i do is not like uber a lot..still cannot grow thin. haii. went to measure my tummy and butt haha.. i beat justina! =D

At the beginning

We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me
I was going to find you
Unexpected
What you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming
How our dreams would come true
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

Life is a road
And I want to keep going
Love is a river
I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road
Now and forever
Wonderful journey

I'll be there
When the world stops turning
I'll be there
When the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Life is a road and I wanna keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on....
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I wanna going
Love is river I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you.

suddenly so into disney songs..loves anastasia and lion king! <3<3 haha!

take.5

din even intend to go for take.5. no need to go liao since no responsibility to be judge or taking part in event. sumore ruth and my sister clan people all busy with sth, and siok prolly wun come. in horrible mood in the night la..my daddy dun let me play mahjong -_- even had my letter ready. slept uber early, then autowake up at 7.. so decided i'll go and support benny and experiment wif my hp's video function. heh my lousy phone can only video 20 secs at a time..gave up videoing.. on one hand cos my hp plthed and on the other hand i wanted to watch! =p really some zai shit la

after take.5 went out wif sister clan. watched bball. then emily had to zao and the bus took too long to come. we went for some seafood soup place and jiahui wanted to treat us to dessert. where i had nice aloe vera and sea coconut. went taka's nike shop =D=D=D saw Boa!! so chioo.. take pictures!!!! haha purposely go there to take pictures one hehehe

then justina and i decided to be piggy and go eat CNY samples haha. got bengawan solo goodies =D=D and then got seaweed stuffs, honey comb biscuits hehe so happy haha we went to admire royce chocs and then wen pool. ahaha first time i pool leh. not bad. the balls actually went in =D justina says: look pro. lol it works! until quite late liao then go back. ok la made me feel happier after my dad refusing to lemme play mahjong last nite.

**

maybe i should blog a bit about vday also. so many flowers in the school. 百花齐放 haha. lincoln wrapped ms nair nice bunch of roses. picture on my class blog. justina had a box of love:

jiahui got sleeping pigs. and i took a picture with my brother haha but i look unglam and messy in that pic so i wun post it HAHA gerald gave me flower but like all real flowers that die, i think its in its later stages now. (haii my fingers are red..no tinge of green in them. plants in my hands never fail to die prematurely) so its upside down and hopefully it will dry nicely =p

reading

reading gp is good. it has made me more aware. i think it has. or at least more informed..despite the lag. history is quite an exciting subject. then look at all the intl relations.

aieesh anyway. i think doing CIP here is very weird. although the kids we are working with are apparently low income families, somehow i feel like theres sth not quite right. and its not only recently that i hear about such stuffs. i always thot that kids from low income families will be the first to learn that following material and fashion trends are but empty superficiality, since they are supposed to be deprived. everyone has handphones by p3, with fancy hp dangling things. everyone wears converse or adidas shoes, everyone carries zinc bags, everyone has a nike bottle.. i always thot that compared to their peers, deprived kids will learn to grow up faster. maybe i was wrong. or maybe its because of the environment that they live in. perhaps one that i will never get to understand. maybe they live in an environment where non-conformist renders you an outcaste. so for those who do not possess such things, do not go for manicures, do not have an inclination for fashion and material stuff, they really dun fit in.. and to fit in, one must posess such goods and put on a character that is in line with the rest of the peers. so maybe its not their fault that they seem so spoilt and demand for branded look good stuff. maybe its cos of the society they are in. and wen we go for CIP, tuitioning or what not, as a senior who is supposed to help them, i get very tempted to want to change them, change their attitudes, but i haf no idea how ><

gahh

i wish i can understand old people better. i so pissed off at my grandparents for making my dad's life so difficult. i mean. based on one small matter make the conclusion that he's not respectful, and then refuse to consider the other times when he had to wei3 qu1 or like did things that showed more respect and care than anything. but they just see the bad things.. i certainly hope this whole issue is not cos i forgot to address them during a family outing and then them coming to petty conclusions. this issue better not be the root cause of how my dad got into this kind of shit. i will tear myself apart. been watching my parents trying to satisfy my grandparents for all my life and they just seem to get pettier and pettier and nth will make them happy. ughhhhh

miss 3 days of school!

wonderful! lol feels so wonderful to miss 3 days of school. and cos in lab generally a lot of waiting time so dun really need to use brain.. except i think on monday i'll be kinda dead wif amount of hw to catch up on again.. i better finish all that i have now.. hw status now: still haf bio tutorials, GP essay, maths 11B and chem 16. which still feels like a lot.

yesterday went for cousin's 21st bday party at some club in bukit batok. the club very happening leh..got 3 weddings going on at the same time and a number of other events. there was nice cheese cake!and the place was filled with her frens from sec sch to jc as well as relatives. then she had nice buffet also. aiya anyway she ask me to dance for her so i went home to burn cd but so anticlimaxly..in the end i forgot like half the song la... like SH*******T. felt like redoing it but decided against it..later forget again then X_X. lol feel like a lil 14 year old doing dance..and then all the 21 year olds everywhere. haha then later she got her frens to come up to sing for her and then we just wu liao and eat cake. haha dunno why last nite felt like singing karaoke. haha my dad and me. but then my bro at home 10 pm waiting for us to bring food back for him. so mydad and i cannot go singing hahaha..ahhh i'm craving for kboxing. no i think not. i'm craving for karaoke at home. and sing all the old old A-mei and xu ru yun and xu meijing's songs. cos xian of singing new songs le. and at home chang zou yin also nobody care nobody know. but sad la.. only my dad and i sings. everyone else in the house no sings =( maybe wait for one day wen i own the house again, and they all go some other overseas place, i will do my own karaoking at home. close windows curtains and doors on aircon on surround sound and on full screen TV. *dreams*

the evil SATs

I absolutely shouldn’t be blogging rite now, with econs essay undone and maths tutorial undone and due tomorrow. but I’m seeing so many ppl getting so stressed up esp in this week with upcoming SATs in 2 days time. and I’m getting kinda worried for people… its like over this week people are like in this still kinda mood and everyone is like quietly boiling over.

And these 2 weeks been so hectic for street I’m so thankful for every streeter who has come down to help out during trial session and during interviews. Special thanks to emme ruth sheena who’s been organising so many things and getting so stressed and tired. when ruth came to find me today I thought, omg ruth needs a rest… and sheena just told me she’s having SATs on Saturday and she’s been so busy with all the arranging of interviews and all. and I only found out today that she having SATs.. oh my. really thank the organising ppl for all your tenacity and your willingness to come down and help and sacrifice stuff for street. and wat I’ve heard is that simin and sheena still organising more stuffs for j1s.. like O_O and simin and clarice has got SATs too!

and everyone been bugging me like how to mug for SATs and how to calculate score and stuff..and I just wanna tell them not to freak and stress so much. this pressure cooker world in RJ is really quite scary. so mind blowing that it takes ppl of great strength to keep sane. if this is going to happen for SAT II in may/june I will just freak out and die. and for the whole of the last 2 weeks, SAT is probably the most evil word around school. people pon school to mug SATs.. and teachers continue to pile work on us and we’re like terribly lagging. must seriously unlag myself. all ppl out there pls get enough sleep and take care of yourselves. I’m sure this will all pass soon. to all taking SATs this sat, jiayou jiayou! I’m sure u’ll do fine. just be patient and careful =)

heh..and we’ll have a little while to rest, before the SPAs come. ><

stagnated

OH MY O_O I’m sure I write a whole lot of stuff then I highlight and all DISAPPEAR! what the… ahh now I shall slowly try to remember what I wrote hmph. [lol I remember I have yet to show gerald tt expression hah!]

ok so here goes..
this place been super dead arh.. like hj says..dead like zombie XD schools only started for 20 days and I already craving for a break to unlag myself.
last week been the tiringest week. maybe its cos I’m growing old. somehow I remember that in sec4 there seemed to be more things to handle and I still somehow lived through it “properly”. but ruth says that there comes a time when u have so many things to do that you don’t really worry about late homework/late proposals/late presentations anymore. and since I’m still worrying about undone homework, I should still be handling fine. lol how optimistic. I think its good to brace yourself. over the last weekend I slept like pig and these 2 days managed to stay awake and finish up what I need to do. last week was so bogged down with non-work things that I KO so uncontrollably, that zombie also cannot wake me. [lol whats with the stupid rhyme] then got so pissed off at myself that my mum decided I had ‘turned bad’ [sounds like food expired..] and became defiant cos I din sleep properly for 3 days, left the comp and lights on twice, and was angsting for 3 days. what a fallacious conclusion. then start imposing unreasonable and inefficient “solution methods” like coping my hp and switching off internet at 11pm, get me pissed off to substantiate their ‘turned bad’ argument only. heh but 至少 over liao.
so my theoretically 2 month (in reality 3 month) attachment is finally going to end tomorrow. its like 又喜又悲 cos I’ll be meeting my attachment frens again! and I dun need to come back lab again! but also it’s the last time I see them and last time I will see my lab ppl also. tomorrow last day going to be quite 壮观 I see those big tables, pro poster boards, nice cloth and ribbons and flowers in the foyer of the labs. wah really some big event. I better not screw up tomorrow. hope that nothing weird will happen to me and ppl dun fall asleep in my chim chim presentation. sounds quite chim to me, but that’s the way my mentor wants it so heh. and I hope I dun look like a lego block tomorrow. blazer always make me look like rectangle. =S
tomorrow I not going school. feel suddenly liberated. like 内心的欲望终于实现 [why do i have a feeling some words i used here haf wrong connotations...><]. then can finally sit down and sort my work out. been feeling like telling teacher I dun wanna attend tutorial cos I haven’t really prepared and ask if can have another tut session wif teacher but then like the teacher got a lot of time liddat. I should just sort myself out. at least tml I can reach home earlier..like 6pm, then can start reading notes, and doing maths chem. tutorial, and must prepare for econs case study econs essay, GP compre test and hand in bio prac. all the Wednesday due things push back to thurs. lol wish me luck on thurs. hah..
by this weekend prolly J1 streeter list will be out. must go confirm their activities after interview fast fast. still have CIP that must get started. and ruth is uncontactable -_- poor girl I think she also very tired. shes reached the “don’t really worry about late homework/late proposals/late presentations” stage but she seems to be sitting there quite comfily lol. ok tt sounds quite bad. I’m sure she’ll pull herself out of there soon.

ms nair is my new ct. I think we’re so lucky to have her. but dunno how many in the class truly feel blessed to get her. shes like heavensent angel. [got classes so sad to have “lost” ms nair to us..] always feel quite sad for teachers that (suddenly) get my class cos its quite a difficult to handle class. and I like her inspiring quote thing. you are better than you think you are – if only you try. at the end of the year we can do like a quote book from ms nair. live like its your last day, learn like its your first. so hard to live like its my last day. I always seem to be living for tomorrow, cos will just keep planning for tomorrow’s stuffs. and with lagging notes, I start telling myself theres always tomorrow to cover that. lol.what if tomorrow never comes… [choi! choi! how can talk such rubbish!]
lolls I just took a break from preparation for tomorrow. I shall go back and continue writing my cards. and I better not forget my chocs tomorrow. update more another time.

一年过去了

感觉好像走了一段很长很艰苦的路，流了好多的汗血，得来的谁都看不见，只有自己心领
这段路，还要走多远...

christmas eve

have been gone for quite while..

these 2 weeks quite eventful..rain, flood, late nite dance pracs, choreoing, music mixing, having class party, gift making, shopping, chatting, and craving for happy feet =S i din find time to record after all. haha sad i din take the chance to do that while my family was away

ruth came over last friday. we watched Bi and luo zhi xiang's concert dvd. rocks. except i was too tired to be high or like take notice of the dance steps. and theres a log cake sitting in my fridge feeling quite leng3 luo4. lol we dunno wat to do with it. how do u eat that big house thing lol. i bet ruth was eyeing it. think she's always starving at my house. then must always tell her to bring food lol. then in the morning go market together haha

dance pracs been quite tiring..last weds thurs sat sun. reach home 11 plus 12 liddat. then ruth take over..and i go mix music. think i never mix music so quickly before. finish in one nite..then this week only went for one friday morning. since there wasnt much to do in the lab. feel like a lump of lard already.

my date with jeanette up till now still havent go. seems like cant find a common time. and the weather always foils our plans.. must find some day go cycling or sth..pffff..

wednesday was class party. our class parties were never really successful..but this time i thot it wasnt too bad. we had more ppl than usual and we played crappy games. and we had lots lots lots of food. i hope it isnt too much burden on our class treasury.. looking at the amount of food i wonder how much they spent getting the food. i was getting pasta and fried rice and lousy me couldnt find the normal pasta thingy in carrefour. can only find the weird overseas brands one XP organic pasta some more omg.. and i couldnt find the canned mushrooms! haha i think thats so funny..cant help laughing at myself.. the carrefour at PS just has weird arrangement. we had duck and little octopuses and there was nice dessert and chicken and salad. yes we had like a lot a lot a lot of food. which we of course couldnt finish. i dunno how we got rid of them in the end. anyway i brought back pasta and fried rice..which settled my maid's and my lunch and dinner for the next few days. so yes i've been eating my lunches and dinners.

had sherlyn over yesterday. to eat pancakes lol. my brother couldnt find the maple syrup wen we went carrefour for breakfast shopping the last time so we made do with honey. ahh pancakes rock. they smell nice look nice taste nice lalala.. and we had a video feast also. converted sherlyn into a Boa fan lol. yes Boa is good =D and also showed her M's stuffs and se7en and hyori haha. been occupying myself and not getting emo or angsty..maybe soon but not yet =)

eek..school's starting soon. yux i wan more time to prep for countdown and look for nice outfits...

自己住

my family is going overseas tomorrow night. feels quite exciting to be at home alone (and feel like the house is mine) but not as exciting as it should be leh haha. maybe ask frens to come over to 陪我 at night. parents not around can dun go home early also =p go out and play after work lol went carrefour yesterday to buy breakfasts for the next 12 days. think i'll be lazy to eat properly or buy breakfast the nite before.. scully i lazy to eat dinner also. hope i dun leave the labs too late then all the dinner places no more food. that'll be quite sad. and there better be emergency food at home so if come home late i can cook for myself haha.. i should come up of a list of things to do while my parents are away. think i'll wanna sing n dance more than ever but my ankle liddat prolly cant go dance also. lousy me made my ankle hurt a lil more after dance prac yesterday. i rock. n my music mixing prog just expired.. so i cant sing v much also..>< sad

ladida

guess wat
i'm blogging for the lab. and look at the time. lol. to be blogging from the labs at this time could mean 2 things - that i am waiting for results O_O like i dunno.. running gel or digestions.. OR i'm done and am waiting for my parents to come. today it is [rarely and happily] the latter =) yay

been leaving the labs so late lately. but the bus is always still rather crowded. the bus i takes go from harbourfront down west coast road pass NUS and then down to clementi,bkt batok, then my house. and maybe its cos its the hols and many ppl go shopping or sentosa to play and go home late, the bus is always still rather full even though i leave at like 9 or later. and without fail i will definitely find this 2 seater occupied by a sleeping kid wif another kid sleeping on the mum's lap. but i dun get pissed at that tho, even if the bus is really really crowded. somehow the kid seems to need to sleep more than one of the standing ppl need to sit o.O and everyone on the bus really seems to be in their own little music bubble. yesterday i saw this mum wif her 2 sons, prolly abt sec4 sec1, and all three had their own set of earphones connected to their personal ipod/hp/mp3... i could only tell they were a family when the mum started talking to her sons.. showing them some sms/picture on her hp or sth.

and NUS is not so deserted at night also. i see the arts or business ppl at the bus stop that i walk pass wen walking to the public bus stop outside. and theres usually ppl in the lab. but tonite i am the only person in the lab. [which explains why blogging on their computer suddenly became legal..] lol i hope my parents come soon. it is rather eerie now cos the lights are partially off..

*

ok bad. i din hang up the phone properly so my parents couldnt call me and i waited. and my dad came up to my lab to find me. so pissed at myself for making my parents go through so much trouble. ughugh.

n it is 12 am now. i am to haf started mixing. everynite i come home and tell myself to mix music and i dun mix it. and i spend time brooding over things i dun even know abt. like just feel so down over i know not wat and spend time feeling down. such a dumb thing to do yet i cant stop myself from doing tt. ugh. snap out of it and start working aiyaiyai

finished

my sats is over and i think..finished. lol..ok now its time to move on..

went back for dance prac after sats.. but my brain numbed state allowed me to choreo some ugh shit.. super no inspiration. and wen i went back, my ma said wanna go vivocity.. wah really 人挤人. i think vivo still gets quite a big number of visitors on weekends even though its been around for a while. and day before yesterday was its official opening sumore. then walk around the whole place. i think we scoured every shop there. but my family ish e best shoppers. we din buy anything! lol really see no touch lol and i'm suddenly very tempted to watch happy feet! ahhh..it looks v cute! hehehe [yesh i still haf an inclination for cartoon movies =p]

and after a whole day of standing/walking. my ankle is officially swollen. yesh one side has a lump there, unlike the other side. and its painful to squat.. =( cos last saturday, i, being the lousy and clumsy person tt i am, missed a step on the bus, and landed hard on my ankle..so its been kinda weak..and now, it rocks. ouch.

today 心血来潮 decided to clear my room. feel so proud of myself. my ma says: "wah 终于见地了" [she was referring to my floor and my table top] lol. and i am proud to say, I FOUND THE ANT NEST IN MY ROOM LIAO =D=D=D=D wonderful. maybe now there wun be so many ants around. lalala. now i haf my econs and gp file to tend to. and everything else is in order! congratulate me =D

and today, i finally discarded most of my PW things. feel so happy to discard them hehe. left oni the final EOM, WR and OP to look pretty hehehe. then threw away all the drafts that had scribbling all over. and put the rest nicely in one folder =)

i think next time wen i clear my room, i should wear a mask. otw cannot breathe. everytime i clear my room, i get a double block. ie my nose. its like trickling the whole day, cannot breathe, cannot blow. can oni sniff, but it still drips lol.

feels like a lot of things off my back liao. now haf the 2 CIP projs and my lab proj. i sincerely hope my transformations will start working. i haf a feeling my E.Coli already has ampicillin resistance before i even add the plasmid in. so my control plates grow so much E.Coli its nearly lawn. and next time, maybe i should adjust the amt of enzyme i use based on concentration instead of just following protocol. aieesh. must jiayou for my proj. and hope i finish it. may luck be with me. [ok maybe not only luck, but pls oh pls let my transformations start working =(]

and may i soon get inspiration for mixing the song. theres only ONE MORE MTH left! and we only haf 1 1/2 mins worth of dance! omg..

><

why. i feel so overloaded.

i'm highly irritated that i'm not getting my results. its the 4th week le. and theres only 4 more weeks left. and i am not happy with my progress. and i am still having problem with my initial stages of the project. i cant get my yeast (or E.coli for that matter) correctly transformed. and i dunno why i am getting contamination everywhere.maybe i should consider the use of a lab coat.. and everyone seems so busy. i feel like i'm a burden to my mentor and like my failure to transform properly and keep having to redo each stage of the transformation is making him rather disappointed. well at least it is making me very disappointed. and theres only 4 more weeks. i sincerely hope that by the end of the 8 weeks i can happily present a project that i did and not rely on my mentor and present his findings. i am bloody worried. i wish i can spend all my time in the lab 9 to 9 so that i can right all my wrongs and finish up the project. BUT i need to come back to mug...

i wish i din have so many things to do in the hols..i feel that i hadnt spent enough time mugging for my h3 and havent spent enough time mugging for my SATs which is in some dire straits... my english is so lousy that my math cant help pull my score up enough.and there are other commitments too, and i really wanna go back to school to speak to teachers so that i can get details of CIP stuffs sorted out but EVERYONE is busy and out of town and basically CIP projects that start in the hols probably cant get any substantial grounds to start properly. ugh wth am i talking abt. the proposal just cant get approved la... the teacher mentor is almost always not around. and wen she is around, nobody is free to see her. i bloody hate dragging CIP proposals. we break records dragging proposals for 1 month. i hope the class cip proposal thingy wun drag so long. its already been dragging...[and postponing things dun mean we can slack wth. its so that we have enough time to figure out stuff and not like SLACK AWAY and wait for time to pass..14dec is not tt far ugh] and 3rd dec is coming. ie ruth is coming back. and music is supposed to have been mixed. and most of the choreo done. oh my shit. i can just about explode now.

爱失控

时间
一分一秒被偷走
所谓的永久
被曾经取代后
变成恶魔
手里握着多余的温柔
独自反复思索
收藏保留
随风飞走
说来轻松

自由
是否会比较好过
原来没有
成全的背后
总有痛苦在招手
记忆停留在最初时候
星光已不再闪烁
无话可说
继续走
还是朋友

让你走
我的爱失控
藏在幸福快乐的背后
是我
逃避退缩
放开手
对爱不再有奢求
是非对错不想再多说
眼神交会时候
出卖承诺
泪在留

想通
躲在黑暗的出口
难以捉摸
是缘份的作用导致失控
还是孤独一时的冲动
抹去爱情轮廓
故事内容
谁补充
安静的尘封

世界的旋律因你而转动
就算再失控
落空
音符交织感动
就够

让你走
我不再是我
感受不到心跳的触碰
占有
转眼成空
放开手
对爱不再有奢求
徘徊梦中模糊脸孔
遗留在角落
不再轻易
地经过

wahh..this mv is damn emo..then they were in mud or something.like utter despair.. suits the song. though i still like the korean version better

se7olution

think i'm gonna be a new se7en fan =D was so happy last week that we danced to se7en's song at studiowu's fusion hiphop class lol..

i feel like i woke up damn early today.. actually i prolly slept for some 12 hours...yes..this pig slept right after dinner at 7 and woke at 8 lol..

catching up on lost sleep over the past week indeed..next week is some dieded week. and i AM freaking out.. thinking of taking leave so i can mug at home. like i'm nowhere near ready for exam..aiyaiyaiyai

today had our first dance prac for blyc.. i found out i can choreo! coolio haha i did 4 eights yay. even though 1 of the eights was quite cheater.. maybe i'll continue wif the song for another 4 eights then i should stop. otherwise everything will become too jazzy/smooth. like clarice say..my steps is the groovy type..oh well i quite like the 4 eights i did.. =D sadly farhanis and junting never come..oh wells.. see what i can come up with before next prac..yay for renewed confidence

不管世界

说我们俩在一起有多坎坷
*

been planning so far ahead recently. i'll be planning for next monday's experiments to run and my study schedule for SATs and my dreaded H3 exam. and concert and class cip. suddenly wondered. wat if after all these planning, i dun live to finish them... wun that be quite sad and disappointing.. so that the -wherever- can write that "it was such a pity she died young, she had a bright future ahead of her". xian. anyway i dun intend to end my life. just randomly wondering. accidents are never planned...

oh wells. i think this saturday quite die. i havent choreod anything for u all to learn >< cos i been feeling very afraid for SATs and mugging without feeling any better. and my inspiration for steps were whitewashed after attending girls hiphop class that..totally freaked me out. i think i'll continue being cor lor and do hard hiphop...and i have a super strong urge to go back to the labs on saturday. aiyaiyai...

想见你，

没有你，城市再炫也没意义，热闹的全都是你的幻影
想见你，心太急，狂奔拥挤的人群里。多希望下一秒就见到你
(= 无印良品 rocks

why is it that all teens find that their parents are not supportive in what they are doing, not "loving/accepting them for who they are" and feel that their parents have this set of ideals by which they want their child to turn out to be and seek ways and means to make the child fit this set of ideals. ideals like...getting straight As, coming back from school obediently, going for academic attachments and competitions, no staying out beyond 8pm, no arcade, no lan, dun buy music albums of idols, dun buy computer games, dun spend pocket money on things other than lunch... OMG

heh i told myself at the beginning of this year (or rather at the end of last year) that i will be obedient this year and not make my parents upset by not doing things that will make them worried. but wth. parents get harder and harder to please.. especially when u start having an idea of how you wan ur life to be and its going against ur parents ideals

so i save to pursue what i want and my mum says i have too much money. my mum says the same thing when my bro saves so he can get NBA live and FIFA in alternating years. and lucky him has an older bro to save with him. they share cost. how wonderful economies of scale can be. 为什么突然觉得好像孤军作战？but things are different, my dad is also interested in such gaming and says "if you ask i would have given you the money to buy that" and i enroll in a dance class and they make a huge hoo ha out of it like wth. i've done it before, they made noise before, why cant they bloody accept it? noise made once is enough.

and they keep asking me to study. 要考钢琴的时候又不见他们这么关心，还跑去外国，考试都不知道。怎么突然这么紧张？又不是他们在考。they think my holidays only have 3 things to worry about: attachment, SATs and H3. i dream my life so simple. i wont want a life that so mundane pls. i'll rather make myself damn busy and highly active than just worry about those 3 things during my holidays. just so happens that everything is coming at the wrong time and everything is packed into this one week. I'm sure i mug H3 and SATs and choreo and come up wif various various proposals. but i cant complain. i asked for it. so i handle it. damn. i need to slp now.

do people ever get tired of STUDYING..i mean i probably wun get tired of learning but studying? dammit.

偶尔胆怯你能了解

站在十字路的交点 该怎么走 我却只剩回头

*
Yes everyone will be leaving..or has left. for some place or another. like the whole school is going overseas CIP or overseas sth. my fanily is going spain portugal (europe again! without me!) my dad gonna spend christmas at taiwan. vanessa is overseas, ms low is gone and gone, ruth has left for cambodia, odac has left for aust. lol. maybe i should take this as a time to 闭门思过 (is there such a phrase?) and like sit down and wonder what are the things that need my attention and need me to do, and to mug for SATs. mann..i know the SATs are damn near. and i'm like how prepared for it.. i'm getting 79% which is HORRIblE. like.. throw me out the window =S

and just last week i was thinking about how to play this hols. how to spend my hols so that i feel that i've done all things interesting and i've spent my hols living. i think, i'll still be living. albeit in a different way. enjoyment in the lab is quite different from going out to play, skating, camping, cycling, watching the sky the trees the waters and the birds, watching movie, dancing, singing, shopping...and i told myself i'll play when SATs are over. but i realised i cant, cos thats when i drill for eoy perf. (and also if i only go dance then, i would be missing out on the christmas deals at studio wu lol) ugh SATs are sticky things. i should just mug and get it over and done with. but now. i'm telling myself, 3 things, mug, street and lab. ok so i should focus and concentrate now. (I cant believe i'm actually looking up the syllabus of advanced placement tests -_-) ugh yes focus.

ahhhh need to sort things out.. all the CIP projects' details and i need to plan a timetable..so that i can do enough practices and go for SATs feeling prepared =X oh my tian

....and gerald just told me "dun stress" today =X

你能体谅我有雨天

pw is finally over. a little late to report on this though. with my anxiety for it to finish, i'm quite surprised i only blogged about it today. i think our ORAL presentation was ok considering we only dry runned once and quickly went through that morning. but we din doll it up with anything else so dunno if the grp coordination part will suffer. but our project..also cannot really do anything. anyway dun think le. if i suddenly get inspiration i shall be quite sad. haha lincoln and yilin suddenly had inspiration that we could have done on food instead, then can give the assessors food to eat. anyway its over. so, good.

4 days of attachment at lifesc labs. quite interesting to see wat goes on in research labs. and lab sessions are not rare things that bring occasional fun now, u wan to walk into lab, its just next door. lol but quite weird. today i was preparing the agarose gel, then getting 90ml of TAE buffer, then got measuring cylinder no dropper. haha like i walk around the whole lab cannot find any dropper! like amazing..only have micropipettes no dropper. i'm sure i use micropipettes to add dropwise to the bottom meniscus. LOL i managed to find one in a bottle of sterile water, after using it, i was wondering how to wash..with sterile water? then the water not sterile anymore sia.. =S

today rained like bomb. it literally poured. and i just went to sc library to borrow some damn heavy big book, then it poured. i was like shoot how to get back to the labs. then managed to stay in shelter until i got to the bus stop opposite the labs. the bldg is on a hill like thingy, and its opposite the bus stop and it was pouring. so hugging the 2 big books i ran up..(ye wen i go for lunch in the afternoon i dun bring umbrella..X[) lousy lousy. wen i got up i looked like i just came back from a bath.. lol

eeeeeeeeeeeee

no i din see some bug..i dun react like tt to bugs
i'm irritated by e weather n my nose.. the humidity is probably some 200% now. i'm amused its not raining yet. even my airplant is taking longer than normal to dry..but the tips are still burnt black. i've cut like almost half of the leaf away alredy.. airplant pros! tell me wat to do! i wan it to flower at least once before it dies =( if i'm not wrong, my plant is e ionata. cant confirm which species cos they all look quite similar to me.my other plant is growing alright i think. it looks more alright than my ionata. my ionata is growing on the odac rock now. maybe wen it flowers i'll bring it to show hammie =p hmm maybe it needs some fertiliser...
i've finally finished my signup for SAT..now i need to go n find books. oh my tian..if i dun get full marks or near..i'm dead

EAI music called me today and asked if i would like to audition for their production next year. concert or something. i went to audition last year end when i was bored and had nothing to do. then they told me to sign up for a really ex package that my parents will never ever agree to. dunno wat they will show me this time...aiyai..how to prac anyway. got street concert and got attachment. wat can they do wif me unless they only see me on saturday...zhen shi xin you yu er li bu zu..

my nose stucks

i think its the drastic change of temperature. The afternoons are freaking hot and the nights are freaking cold. and my bloody nose (yes its quite bloody now) cant stop getting blocked. and just yesterday i managed to clear it after singing for some 4, 5 hours. (oh i hope i din cause much damage to the ears of those within 20 metres up down left right..) and my throat gets horribly painflu when i sniff so hard =( so imagine the kind of noise my poor neighbours have to deal with. be thankful you are not my neighbour. and now it is horribly painful again. i have finished my 3rd bottle of family sized pi2 pa2 gao1 in the last 4 months. I think thats a world record and now i have no more for tomorrow cos my mum only goes to buy groceries on saturday. (yes i'm very loser and wun buy my needs myself) ugh.. with a stucked nose i doubt i'll be able to taste lincoln's delicious dinner tomorrow hahahaha.. it better go away. otherwise 白费 lincoln de 工夫 =p