Crackers 5 days too late and a day too early

My christmas crackers must have been delayed by the terrible snowstorms in Europe. The original plan was to stick it on/below the christmas tree that my aunt always used to put up and get the kids to pick one out for themselves, crack them, and exchange the gifts in them. But it didn't come in time, and there was no christmas tree, and I was pretty much voiceless on Christmas Day.

It came in the mail 2 days ago, all deformed but not broken. My brothers, my mum and I all had our go at attempting to open the crackers so they will crack properly. And figuring out what was the sense in the riddles found in each cracker. There were those that said, Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: A tube of smarties. or Q: What do you call someone who makes clothes for rabbits? A: Hairdresser (Hare-dresser). and we couldn't figure out what was so funny/smart about "what do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? a stick." and couldn't understand "what do you give someone who has everything? antibiotics." and there were little games that came in the crackers, and a magic trick I couldn't figure out how to perform. It was a nice afternoon nonetheless, so thanks lw for that =)

Last night was probably one of the quietest countdowns I've ever had. We didn't miss out on the countdown purely because we could hear the countdowns from other parties upstairs/downstairs. We make such a big fuss about a day that doesn't change anything, just a closing, and a time when we come up with new year resolutions, or hope for a better year. Because a year is never good enough.

Today I am reminded, by its faint echoes, of the bell that tolls on the 1st of every month.

brainwashed

they couldnt recover my C drive
would cost at least 1000 bucks to recover it
that's 7 years of my life.

23/01/11 on hindsight, maybe thats a good thing. it just might help with the forgetting

Christmas

The sun in London is brilliant, the sun in sg is overbearing
The grey skies in London are dreary, the lightning in sg is spectacular
tonight's the perfect day for wellies..

I'm feeling uninspired, guilty and sick.
What a terrible combination.

Late nights and early mornings make me tired at all the wrong times
When I had alcohol-free grape juice after dinner today, it felt so refreshing.
I'm sorry, commensal bacteria, for stressing you out. I promise I will be nicer to you from now on. Please get back into the right balance and get rid of the strep pyogenes now.

no time..

clubbing is absolutely decadent.
luckily i did it while i was still jet lagged.
luckily i dun need to sing today.

i'm not a dancer

all my life i've been doing my rendition of dances in front of my mum, in front of my window/mirror.. attempting to look graceful, but i never got there (and never will)
the first time i injured myself when i was dancing, i stepped on my own foot and broke my front 2 teeth.
the next time i injured myself when i was dancing, i fractured my 5th metatarsal.
no i'm not a dancer.

this is so sweet

On this day of your life, Xin Zi, we believe God wants you to know ... that the way you know you have found the right one is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with the person.
Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. - a quote by Dinah Craik

..but this doesn't mean you have to be able to live with the person right.. what if this person's the best confidante but the worst roommate..

good and evil

couple of days ago I was having dinner in a German pub with people from my lab. and we were discussing about how we try to create this black and white world for our kids, when we tell them stories where there is a good person and there is a bad person and it paints a mistaken view of the world..
I always preferred stories where one person was either good or bad. It was too complicated for someone to be both good and bad. and I don't remember being brought up only on stories where there were 1 dimensional characters. I went to watch Wicked with jr, and it was a really good show, almost Disney-esque with disney budgets and disney music. and I thought how great it would be for children to read this story.
But I still wish the world had people who were either just good or just bad. My mum finds other people blaming her for things that have happened, and she takes the blame on herself and feels horrible for it. There's been lots of criticism on my Dad too, but he seems to not bother and finds that what he is doing is justified. Maybe he has had enough of guilt. maybe he doesnt care for what others think. If my mum could be a little bit stronger, whats done cannot be undone so blaming herself for it is not going to help. You can only hope not to make the same mistake again, and if there is anything that can be done to rectify the mistake, or make things better, to do them.
I find that one mistake can leave a black mark on you for a long time, but you're going to need to do so much more to redeem yourself. I find that trying to be kind, understanding, giving, is so difficult. Sometimes it attracts a penalty on yourself to be generous to others, and then you will have to convince yourself that taking the penalty is the right thing to do.. at the end of the day, no one will notice: you just want to be able to face yourself in the mirror and be able to accept yourself for the way you are..

i want

to become a tiny ball,

and bounce/roll/spin into a lost corner

and hide from the world

until dust gathers

kid

so i was walking from trafalgar square towards chinatown to get groceries

and i saw a bundled up little girl walking between her parents.

1.2.3 Weeee

i turned around to see her in the air hanging from her arms, pink head thrown back in a big laugh

how fun

my profs.

i keep complaining that i am having trouble having to be in the lab and revising lectures. but then there are many doctors in my lab who have to be in the lab and who have to worry about getting biopsies and who have to worry about clinic duties, and some days have to be set aside as biopsy days and some days are not lab productive cos there are clinics to go for and some days are plain tired because of long hours the day before. and then there are profs who run a lab think about experiments organise a course or a degree and prepare lectures. it must be such a tough job, maybe i should complain less when a lecture isnt as great as i had hoped, when my lecturer seems sleepy in my lecture.. and i really respect the profs who come into lecture everyday with so much energy, who will try to make things accessible for you, who will make time to talk to you to see how you are doing..

and today i was reading about innate immunity in HIV and I was feeling quite sorry for my prof. cos here was a nature paper where this other lab took a stab and it was the right stab - they looked in DCs, while my prof had looked at macrophages (since HIV can infect mp) and it was a wrong stab, sigh..

and then i remembered a talk that Paul Bieniasz gave us when I was at Rockefeller, and i remembered how he always seemed to be investigating random disjointed things about viruses, so that maybe he can make one nice finding and let the other people do the rest of the job while he moved on to something else. and i wonder if it is perhaps better to do that - where maybe the only similarity in the projects in your lab is the technique you use and have optimised, but the nature and subject of the project is quite different. because the lab i was in at Rockefeller does that too..

cereal prawns

adapted from my wok life.

in case I cant find it

marinate prawns with sesame oil and light soy sauce and pepper. in the fridge 10 mins.

cube half a red pepper, keep some of the red pepper seeds.

2 mixes: (A) oat cereals + sugar (B) mum's seasoning, bit of chili powder, bit of curry powder

1. deep fry prawns in hot oil. [with shell on, maybe try without shell but coat with egg+corn starch?] make sure oil is hot. once red on both sides, pick up and drain off oil

2. remove most of the oil, leave just a weeny bit. melt a knob of butter. add chopped garlic then red peppers then mix B. stir for a while.

3. then mix A and the previously fried prawns, stir around to help oats and prawns mix. hope it smells nice. if not enough nice smell, add more butter =D

yay delicious dinner enjoyed by myself.

random reminders

so i was watching Nickhun and Victoria buying stuff for their new house

and i remember shopping at the humongous supermarket in Cornell

and i remember that when i see something i like and think is nice but subsequently decide not to buy, he will either convince me to buy or get it for me.

凌晨两点半

如果我会开车，当心情不快时，想去一个没有人找得到的地方，我会开车到哪里去呢？

so i watch you from a distance..

and i imagine you around

and i wish i don't see you around

晚上的音乐

看沉默的电话
它什么都不说
看电视的画面
它无声的闪动
看街上的行人
跟我擦肩而过
整个世界太冷漠
我没有力气再往前走
看你紧闭的嘴唇
它什么都不说
看你飘忽的眼神
它无情的闪躲
看你和我的回忆
跟我擦肩而过
你的改变太冷漠
我没有勇气大声地说
告诉我
你不是真的离开我
你也不愿这样的夜里
把难过留给我
告诉我
你不是真的离开我
你是要惩罚我的爱让你失去自由
告诉我···

我看起来很好 不需要依靠 请别来打扰

爱在身边围绕 我接收不到

暂时不敢面对心里空虚的一角

可不可以 可不可以 可不可以 不勇敢

能不能停止对爱渴望

可不可以 痛哭一场 风雨过后 会看见曙光

This too shall pass

我坚持这希望

today's message

every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging

You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours?

What will I do without you?

A lot. You said. so I did.

but when bad times come around, I couldn't tell you

and when great things happen, it didnt seem that great when I could tell everyone but you

when it comes to guys

who want to be involved romantically with you, don't listen to anything they say. Just pay attention to what they do.

just a flip of the page away

it took me less than 1 minute to take down/keep away the photos so that my place can be neutral again. and I thought I had brought all the letters back to Singapore. But then I discovered one under the telephone, my itchy fingers opened it and I read it, and then the days when my room had companions came back to me. and the sunny weather reminded me of our picnic. and it hurt. just a little more

I miss you because

when you were around my pens always had refills.