take it all in a stride

I think I very bad at making decisions. And I've always had my cake and i ate it. haii. I feel very sad, that i havent been going for odac training even though i told mr shah that i will be free. like very 对不起 odac and mr shah. somehow i missed out h3 bio.. or i completely dismissed it and decided i wun get it. and i decided long ago that i wun get the TLL attachment. so now i'm occupied, and quite busied. i was quite glad tt mr shah let me be associate odacian, but i guess he had the foresight to see that i wun stay, whatever the reasons may be. a foresight that i din haf. and i kept bugging odac to organise assoc ex, now got ex le but i'm filled. i'm filled in every holiday now, i think i din expect to fill them so fast. as much as i'd like to participate, i know that i shouldnt and hence cant, not when there are others who need to go for it more than me. and i haf a responsibility for other things that are going on as well. if i go, then i dunno who can fill the role. (or is that just my lack of confidence in other people again?)(and will you all feel secure when 2 vital people are gone?) i wonder wats the definition of an assoc odacian then, if i dun participate in assoc activities.. and next year's nite walk will be a dream. i think i should just come to terms with my decision to leave. and live with it. you can look back, but you cant turn back time. easy to say difficult to do.